Paris: This is the kind of cold you read about in a Dickens novel. We should be in a workhouse or shilling for Fagin.

Rory: You're not worried, are you? Because I'm just going for the sun and to read, nothing more.
Lorelai: I know, I know. It's just it's always the good kids who've never had a drink that take one sip of Kahlua and fall out of a window.
Rory: So you're sad you never taught me how to drink?
Lorelai: Exactly!
Rory: Well, grab a bottle and some quarters and let's go.
Lorelai: No falling out of windows.
Rory: Not even a first floor one.
Lorelai: And don't drink. And after you're done not drinking, drink tons of water and take two aspirin before you go to bed.
Rory: Got it.
Lorelai: And take Paris with you everywhere. Not much can happen with that girl along.

Paris: See, a lot of people make the mistake of tipping at the end of a trip. But I always tip as you go along. That way, they never know when the honey pot dries up, and it keeps them from going through your stuff and robbing you blind.

Paris: Are you properly sun-screened? Ten minutes in the sun can cause irreparable skin damage.
Janet: And constant shoulder tension creates a hunchback.
Paris: Fine, go. I hear melanoma is very in this year. [to Rory] Here, Casper, you better use this.
Rory: You're just lucky you got a fruit plate coming.

Lorelai: So the movie was good. Nice to see Michael Caine working again. Which was sarcastic 'cause he works a lot constantly. Never says "no" to anything, which can be risky, you know? Lowers your batting average.

Lorelai: You know, Luke, you don't have to tell me what happened unless you want to. But I promise I won't ask you about it again ever in this lifetime or the next. You know, I'll just tell Shirley MacLaine, "Hey, look, back off, Shirl. If Luke had wanted me to know, he would have told me back in my other lifetime, and I certainly don't expect-"

Rory: [on the phone] It just got to be way too much fun.
Lorelai: Yeah? How much is "too much?"
Rory: I had a drink.
Lorelai: And?
Rory: Paris and I took turns throwing up.
Lorelai: That's the way you girls will find yourselves a husband.
Rory: It was fine. Aspirin, tons of water, mac and cheese.
Lorelai: Ahh, my baby's discovered her first hangover food. I wish I had a picture to put next to your clay handprint.
Rory: I think I still have the box.
Lorelai: Send it to me.

Rory: This is humiliating.
Lorelai: Oh, no, we passed humiliating two minutes ago.
Rory: Luke's gonna be completely out of doughnuts by the time we get there.
Lorelai: I don't why he won't just buy six extra sprinkled ones, so we'd never have to have the conversation which we're going to have if we ever get there.
Rory: I got school in two hours. I'm never gonna make it.
Lorelai: Kirk, how you doing? [Kirk nods] You sure? You seem to be having a little trouble forming words there.
Kirk: [strained] No... fine... me.
Lorelai: You know, you don't have to take us all the way to Luke's.
Rory: Yes, Kirk, listen to her.
Kirk: I offered you the first ride in Kirk's new Stars Hollow Pedi-cab, and that is exactly what you're gonna get.
Lorelai: Okay.
Kirk: Time just whizzes by when you're riding in a pedi-cab.

Kirk: How we doing back there?
Lorelai: We're doing fine, Kirk.
Kirk: I figure this baby's gonna be a real money...
Lorelai: A real money what, Kirk?
Rory: Kirk, can you breathe?
Lorelai: Talk to us.
Rory: Hit the handlebars three times if you can breathe and two if you can't. [Kirk hits the handlebar]
Lorelai: He hit once. What does once mean?
Rory: That he couldn't make it to twice?
Lorelai: Kirk. Kirk, stop, please.
Kirk: Just for a second. Then we'll be on our way like the wind.

Kirk: I wasn't going that slow.
Lorelai: No, you just maybe need a little more training before tourist season kicks in. You know, take a spinning class or buy some legs.
Rory: Sorry, Kirk.
Kirk: You will be sorry. You'll be sorry you turned down the chance to ride in Stars Hollow's first...
Rory: Now he's gonna hate us forever.
Lorelai: No, he's not. He's just gonna hate us till something shiny comes by.
Kirk: [bicycle bell rings] Well, well, well. I guess it wasn't me that was slowing things down. I guess it was my big, fat cargo.
Rory: Hey!
Kirk: Freshman 15!
Lorelai: Kirk!
Kirk: Can't wait to get my doughnut!