Rory: [answers phone] Hello?
Lorelai: Hey, it's me.
Rory: Nigella just made a raisin cake that looked so good, the fact that raisins make me gag became totally irrelevant.
Lorelai: Well, good, more ordering choices.
Rory: Oh, my God, she's about to deep-fry a Bounty Bar. I want to move in with her and call her Mommy. Do you mind?

Lorelai: What was that about?
Emily: I'm preparing for the funeral.
Lorelai: Stashing bar glasses is preparing for the funeral?
Emily: Those bar glasses are supposed to stay in the family. They go to us, then to you. However, every time a certain relative of your father's comes to visit, things tend to disappear.
Lorelai: Dad's got a Winona in the family? How cool.

Lorelai: You know, it's so weird. I know so little about Gran. I mean, like, what was her maiden name?
Emily: Gilmore.
Lorelai: No, no, her maiden name.
Emily: Gilmore.
Lorelai: Wait. You're not saying-
Emily: She and Charles were second cousins.
Lorelai: Ew! What?!
Emily: Oh, don't act so scandalized. It was not at all uncommon for prominent families to keep the bloodlines closed.
Lorelai: "Keeping the bloodlines closed"? Is that what we're calling it?
Emily: Well, what would you call it?
Lorelai: Oh, I don't know. How about "Good morning, Appalachia, I got a mighty cute sister and an extra set of toes."
Emily: No one has any extra toes.
Lorelai: I have a double-jointed thumb.

Emily: I can't believe this. I'm standing here in her basement, covered in dust. I'm organizing her estate and cataloging her things. I've been on the phone for days, trying to make sure that everything was exactly the way she wanted it, and all this time, she never even wanted me in her family!
Lorelai: Man, she sure used a lot of exclamation points.
Emily: Well, fine. That's just fine, because I am done.
Lorelai: Done?
Emily: I'm done planning and running around and calling people. I'm done with anything having to do with that woman.
Lorelai: But Dad-
Emily: Skipped my best friend's funeral to golf, that's what your dad did!
Lorelai: Mom, we have to plan this funeral.
Emily: Find a box, throw her in, we're done!
Lorelai: Mom.
Emily: Better yet, throw the old harpy's carcass in a ditch! Let a wolverine eat her.

Rory: I cannot believe that story.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, trust me, the brothers Grimm were over in the corner, yelling, "No way!"

Emily: Lorelai, here, I just finished reading, and I think you'll really like it. It's about this prostitute named Sugar in Victorian England. She starts rising through the ranks of society, and she meets these really vivid characters!
Lorelai: Okay, sure, you don't have to tell me the whole story now.
Emily: I'm not giving anything away. That's all on the back cover.

Richard: You know, the suit I wore when we buried my father, I was never able to wear it again. It was brand-new, a very nice suit. Custom-made. It was my first custom-made suit. I told your grandmother that it didn't fit anymore, but really, I just didn't want to see it again. And I suppose this is going to be it for this suit, too.

Lorelai: Was that her real name, Sweetie?
Emily: No, her name was Melinda. Sweetie was a nickname.
Lorelai: Why?
Emily: What do you mean, why?
Lorelai: I mean, how did they get Sweetie from Melinda?
Emily: They didn't get Sweetie from Melinda. Sweetie is a nickname.
Lorelai: Yes, I know Sweetie was a nickname, but usually, a nickname comes from a version of your name, or there's a story behind the name or something.
Emily: She was sweet. That's the story.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: She had a very sweet nature.
Lorelai: Eh.

Rory: Every single word in my piece was written by me.
Doyle: Was it? Look at this. "Small band of followers." "Rain-soaked highway." I've seen both of those before.
Rory: Of course you've seen them before. Those are phrases used to talk about a small band of followers or, you know, a rain-soaked highway. They're not even cliches like "shouting fire in a crowded theater."
Doyle: I'm sorry, can you say Stephen Glass? The entire climate of journalistic ethics is under a microscope right now. We can't afford anything that looks shady. I'd rather not have Tobey Maguire playing me in a movie about the Yale Daily News scandal, thank you very much.
Rory: Okay, I get that, but I don't think my "rain-soaked highway" looks shady.

Lorelai: [on the phone] How is Dad?
Emily: He's completely fallen apart. From the moment he heard the news, he's been almost incoherent.
Lorelai: Oh, no.
Emily: He's in his office now with the Scotch, and he wants turtleneck soup. Asks for it over and over.
Lorelai: What's turtleneck soup?
Emily: Apparently something his mother used to have made for him when he was a little boy, and now he wants some, and I can't seem to find anybody who has any idea what it is.