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That'll Do, Pig

‘That'll Do, Pig’

Season 3, Episode 10 -  Aired January 14, 2003

Rory and Dean reconnect following their break-up. When Richard's mother, Trix (Marion Ross), visits for his birthday, Lorelai gives Emily tips on how to cope with a critical mother.

Quote from Lane

Rory: Raising money for the marching band to do what?
Lorelai: Please let it be new uniforms.
Lane: It’s for letters so we can finally have letter carriers. For some reason, the powers that be think that the reason we never win at competitions is because no one knows who we are. The fact that we suck has never occurred to them. What’s wrong with our uniforms?
Lorelai: Nothing.
Lane: We look stupid, right?
Lorelai: No.
Lane: The plumes are too big, and it looks like big red fountains of blood spurting out of our heads.
Lorelai: I love the uniforms.
Lane: It’s bad enough I have to be in marching band at all without being mocked for what is mandatory for us to wear.
Lorelai: No, no, no, I didn’t mean... remind her that she gets to rehearse in our garage ‘cause I think I’m losing points here.
Rory: Your uniforms are great, and people knowing who you are can only help.


Quote from Paris

Paris: It was perfect. They had a Christmas tree twelve feet tall. Everything was red and silver and there was eggnog. Have you ever had eggnog?
Rory: Yes, I have.
Paris: It's disgusting.
Rory: Yes, it is.
Paris: But disgusting in a really great way. And they had tiny wreaths hanging from every doorknob, and mistletoe and candles everywhere. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I've never had a Christmas before. One year, I asked my mother if we could get a Chanukah bush. She made me watch Shoah the rest of the week. The place smelled like cinnamon all the time, and there was a fire in the fireplace, and a ton of presents. I mean, hundreds of presents. I'm looking at this mound of gifts, and I'm thinking, "Eight days of Hanukah... who was the skinflint who thought up that deal?"
Rory: Don't the eight days symbolize something?
Paris: Yes, they symbolize eight days of ripping off the little kids who can't have a Hanukah bush.

Quote from Paris

Paris: His mother bought me a present.
Rory: Well, that says something.
Paris: What does it say?
Rory: It says that Jamie likes you enough that she felt compelled to buy you a present.
Paris: I had the most amazing time. Sitting around the tree opening presents, and they played Christmas music and we drank apple cider... it was so nice. And then his grandfather and I wound up in a theological discussion. Jesus: Messiah or nice Jewish kid with a hammer? It got pretty heated.

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: Wow, look at all the bags.
Lorelai: Yes, I went shopping for my father's birthday present today, which was great for about fifteen minutes, until it all came back to me.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: The fact that I totally suck at buying my father presents.
Rory: He'll like whatever you get him.
Lorelai: If I slip him a quaalude, he'll like whatever I get him.
Rory: They are not that bad.
Lorelai: My intentions are always good, and I never put a price limit on it. I even went so far as to follow older men around the store who kind of looked like my dad to see what they were buying, which didn't help me with ideas, but I did get asked to the antique car show.

Quote from Rory

Rory: This is weird.
Dean: What's weird?
Rory: How we keep randomly bumping into each other like this.
Dean: It wasn't exactly random bumping into you at your house.
Rory: Right, I live there, not so random.
Dean: Though, this, right now...
Rory: Random.
Dean: Very random.
Rory: That's probably the most the word random's been used in a two minutes period in a really long time.

Quote from Kirk

Kirk: Today we have an almond tort, an apple pandowdy, and various marzipan fruits made by a sect of cloistered nuns in Toledo.
Dean: I'll have a piece of pie.
Kirk: Cherry, peach, chocolate, pumpkin, custard...
Dean: Custard's fine.
Kirk: There's more.
Dean: I know, but custard's fine.
Kirk: You don't wanna hear the rest?
Dean: I am really good with the custard.
Kirk: But they made memorize thirty different flavors.
Dean: Kirk?
Kirk: Yes?
Dean: Custard is fine.
Kirk: You want ice cream with that?
Dean: Are there different flavors?
Kirk: Thirty-two.
Dean: Just the pie.

Quote from Dean

Rory: Wait a minute. You do know that Southern Connecticut State is a four-year college?
Dean: Yeah, I read that in the brochure.
Rory: But what happened to "I'm going to community college"?
Dean: I changed my mind.
Rory: Why?
Dean: You.
Rory: Me?
Dean: All your Harvard talk, all those crazy books you pushed on me, all that talk about "you can do more".
Rory: You can do more.
Dean: So I decided to do more.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Okay, good – you think the couch is terrible. Now, at one point in my life, you saying a couch that I carefully picked out and had to pay off over eight months is terrible might've hurt my feelings, but not anymore.
Emily: No?
Lorelai: No.
Emily: Why not?
Lorelai: Because one day, I decided that instead of being hurt and upset by your disapproval, I'm gonna be amused. I'm gonna find it funny. I'm even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it.
Emily: You take pleasure in my disapproval?
Lorelai: I encourage it sometimes just for a laugh.
Emily: I don't know what to think of that.
Lorelai: Think, "Hey, that's brilliant", because this idea could set you free. Mom, what are you thinking about?
Emily: That ridiculous Betty Boop head.
Lorelai: So am I.

Quote from Dean

Jess: Need some help with the big words?
Dean: Sure. Why don't you come over here and I'll show you which one's giving me a hard time.
Jess: You're getting a little pathetic man.
Dean: Thanks for the heads up.
Jess: Let's be friends?
Dean: No thanks.
Jess: You don't think I know what you're doing? You don't think it's so pathetically transparent?
Dean: Get out of here, Jess.
Jess: Rory's taking pity on you. That's why the sudden interest in being your friend. You know that?
Dean: Whatever you say.
Jess: The saddest part of this whole thing is...
Dean: Man, you like hearing yourself talk.
Jess: You really think that by being her friend, you're gonna get her back.
Dean: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jess: No, huh?
Dean: Rory and I are just friends, just like you and Rory were just friends. And hey, look how it turned out for you.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: So, Gran, what do you think? I mean, it's not much. Probably too modest for Korn, but Weezer'd be pretty comfortable.

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