Emily: That stupid mustache is crazy! That's what's crazy. Your father's job is crazy. That's what's crazy. He was supposed to be slowing down, and now he's club-hopping with Jason and hanging out with Moby and having secret lunches with women and lying about it.
Lorelai: Mom, calm down.
Emily: Why should I calm down? Are you on his side? Do you like that mustache?
Lorelai: I'm not taking sides.
Emily: I should go to bars! I should hang out with Moby! He'd hate that.
Lorelai: Mom, I'm just suggesting that you slow down on the shopping. This doesn't have to be a whole big thing.
Emily: Why do I need to slow down? This is what I do, according to Richard. And he's not slowing down. He's got a whole new life. He's got Pennilyn Lott, he's got Digger, he's got a mustache! He's got all that and what do I have? Maybe I should get a job so I can have my own life. I could sell shoes here just as well Eduardo. I should get an application. Get me an application! Go, go!
Lorelai: Mom.
Emily: I hate that mustache, and he refuses to shave it!

Lorelai: I got a little something from everywhere.
Emily: I wouldn't know where to begin.
Lorelai: Well, start at the top and stop when you hit table.
Emily: I had no idea so many different kinds of foods came on sticks.
Rory: Well, some come on sticks, like the hot dogs and the fried cheese dipped in batter, but others are technically kababs.
Emily: What's in the cups?
Lorelai: Well, you got your soda, your iced tea, root beer, lemonade.
Emily: I'll try this.
Lorelai: Ah, Orange Julius.
Rory: A classic.
Emily: Oh, my. That's very good. Your father and I know a man who owns a couple dozen of these stands as part of his holdings. Now I can sincerely tell him I like his product.
Lorelai: Excellent.

Emily: What was that phone call you got before, when you were coming over with the trays?
Lorelai: Oh, it's this ad we're doing for the inn. The drawing of the inn came out purple, like eggplant, like Prince chose the color. It was bad.
Emily: Sounds awful.
Lorelai: It was their screw-up. Just one of the many joyous things I get to deal with on a daily basis.
Emily: You were very forceful.
Lorelai: Was I?
Emily: Very in command. I like how you handled it.
Lorelai: Well, I learned from the best.
Emily: From whom?
Lorelai: From the lady eating her hamburger with a knife and fork. That's whom.

Emily: Oh, please. I order maids and salespeople around. That's different. I've never done anything.
Lorelai: Mom, come on. That's not true.
Emily: Richard's right. I buy things. Things I don't even want. It's all I have.
Lorelai: No, Mom, you have friends and family who love being with you. And you have a house you love. You have a whole life. You could have a dog if you want. There's a swell pet store here. You're losing perspective, Mom. You're not seeing clearly.
Emily: If he would just shave that mustache.
Lorelai: And that's all it would take? Shaving his mustache? Mom, you need to talk to him.
Emily: He's always so distracted.
Lorelai: No. Make him talk. You need it. And make it a real talk without bickering, without snipping, without mentioning Moby. Really clear the air.

Kirk: I don't even know his name. I was using random sounds, trying to see if he'd respond. Paku. Gnocchi. Nini. Bleeblo. Nothing.
Luke: Sorry.
Kirk: I've got to put up more flyers. Sunna. Lipdoo. Funo...

Lorelai: What's this?
Luke: It's what it is.
Lorelai: "A monk, a trunk, and a skunk."
Luke: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Carnak, although I don't have a punch line. Never stopped Johnny.

Kirk: It's a dog carrier. My girlfriend's gone out of town with some friends, and I'm watching Buster for her. And they're girlfriends, not guys. I called the hotel she booked and verified that it's a girl's name on the register with her. Not that I don't trust her.
Luke: Clearly.
Kirk: Over there okay?
Luke: Sure. Carol, Danny, Jamie, Sean, Chris?
Kirk: What's that?
Luke: Just a list of guys' names that could be girls.

Kirk: [cutesy voice] You still sleepy?
Lorelai: Why is Kirk talking to his man purse?
Kirk: You got sleepy face. You have to tinkle? Where is that? Just looking for my Lucky magazine, and- Ow! Paper cut.

Lane: [on the phone] I'm standing in the living room of my very own apartment!
Rory: You're kidding.
Lane: I'm waiting for the gas man. The gas man! Isn't that great? I've got gas! Ignore the word. Just focus on the enthusiasm.
Rory: How are you affording this?
Lane: I'm sharing it with Zach and Brian.
Rory: [gasps] You're living with the band?
Lane: It's totally innocent, I have my own room, and they're gonna sleep in the living room.
Rory: That is so cool. When do you move your stuff in?
Lane: Tomorrow. That is if my mom hasn't sold it all by now.

Lane: [on the phone] Hey, you sound a little stuffed.
Rory: I've been sick, but it's mostly deodorant stench I'm suffering from at the moment.
Lane: Oh, my God! My first mail is here! It's a Chinese menu.
Rory: Frame it or something.
Lane: I will.