Lorelai: Jess, you want to come on in the kitchen? Sookie, Jackson, I want you to meet Luke's nephew. This is Jess.
Sookie: Do you eat cheese?
Jess: What?
Jackson: This is the greatest lemon I've ever grown! This is a great lemon. Sookie, you got to try this lemon.
Sookie: That is a great lemon!
Jackson: Try it! It's a Meyer!
Lorelai: Jackson grows fruit and scares people with it.

Rory: Shall we what?
Jess: Bail.
Rory: No.
Jess: Why?
Rory: Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow. There's nowhere to bail to. The 24-hour mini-mart closed 20 minutes ago.
Jess: So we'll walk around or sit on a bench and stare at our shoes.
Rory: Look, Sookie just made a ton of really great food and though it may not seem like it at this moment, it's going to be fun. Trust me.
Jess: I don't even know you.
Rory: Well, don't I look trustworthy?
Jess: Maybe.
Rory: Okay, good. Let's eat.

Lorelai: Let me guess. You don't want to be here.
Jess: Doesn't matter.
Lorelai: I mean, here in Stars Hollow.
Jess: Jeez, Miss Gilmore. Why would anyone not want to be here in Stars Hollow? That just sounds plum crazy.

Lorelai: You should've heard him talking.
Luke: I don't need to hear him talking. He's my nephew and I know what I'm doing and I'm getting a little tired of your condescending-
Lorelai: I'm not being condescending.
Luke: Oh, you have a kid, so you know everything, right?
Lorelai: I have a kid, so, yeah, I know a little more than you do.
Luke: You ever think maybe you just got lucky with Rory? I mean, you did get pregnant at 16. That doesn't show the greatest decision-making skills, now, does it?
Lorelai: Wow. Two pies.
Luke: What the hell are you talking about?
Lorelai: Nothing. I'm talking about nothing. And you won't have to hear my opinion on anything ever again, okay?
Luke: Don't tease.
Lorelai: Go find Jess.
Luke: Don't tell me what to do.

Rory: This is insane. So you guys had a fight. Big deal. You know you're going to make up anyway. What better day to make up than Danish day? The happiest of all days. The day when we all say, "Hey, let's forgive and forget 'over a nice Danish and a cup of coffee."
Luke: One Danish, one cup of coffee. Take it or leave it.
Rory: I'll take it. I still think you're being silly.
Luke: Thank you for sharing. Come back soon.

Rory: He knows that you're not going to go a whole day with no coffee and especially no Danish. Why don't you go in there now and make up?
Lorelai: Why don't you give me half your Danish and some coffee?
Rory: I'll give you the Danish but I'm keeping the coffee.
Lorelai: What is a Danish without coffee?
Rory: The eternal question springs up again.
Lorelai: There's no point in even eating a Danish without coffee.
Rory: I'm going to school.
Lorelai: Sad Danish. Lonely Danish. Step-Danish.
Rory: I'll see you tonight.

Rory: Mom took me to the circus once when I was really little and this clown knocked into me and I dropped my cotton candy. We didn't have a lot of money back then so she couldn't buy me another one and I started crying. So, she literally chased the clown onstage, ripped off his wig and said she wouldn't give it back unless he bought me another candy.
Max Medina: Which I bet he did.
Rory: It was twice as big and I threw up all the way home.
Max Medina: Yeah. That sounds like your mom.

Rory: Do you ever regret the fact that you didn't become a clown?
Max Medina: I don't really believe in regrets. All my experiences, even the ones that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to I firmly believe they were all worth it.
Rory: [stops the tape recorder] I just want you to know... I really wanted you to be my stepfather.
Max Medina: [inhales, deeply sighs] I just want you to know I really wanted to be your stepfather.

Lorelai: Nowhere in either Stars Hollow or its surrounding counties can you get a decent cup of coffee. I swear. It's like a big, stupid coffee conspiracy.
Rory: Why don't you just pour the water right into the bag?
Lorelai: Oh, you jest? Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. It's looking better all the time. Where are you going? I'm not through complaining.

Babette: Sugar, I hate to bother you, but have you seen Pierpon?
Lorelai: Um... No. Why?
Babette: It's the darnedest thing. I came out just now and I noticed that he was gone. Just like that.
Luke: I'm sorry. Who's missing?
Babette: Pierpon, gorgeous.
Lorelai: Her gnome.
Luke: Her gnome?
Babette: The one with the pipe. Oh, God, I hope nothing's happened to him. You get so attached to their little faces sometimes you can hear them talk to you at night.
Luke: You know, I wouldn't worry, Babette. I think you're going to see Pierpon again. Really soon.