Richard: [on the phone] I left her with a battery of help, but in case it didn't work out, she wanted me to give you a heads-up that she might need you.
Lorelai: Well, I don't know if I can get away.
Richard: It's her eyes, Lorelai. She can't do anything or go anywhere.
Lorelai: I understand the importance of eyes, Dad.
Richard: I got caught up in meetings, or I would have called sooner. You wouldn't believe where I'm sitting right now. One of South Dakota's finest hotels. Smells like a foot.

Logan: Look, the beauty of a daily paper, it's in everybody's recycling bin the next morning. This will be forgotten.
Rory: It won't.
Logan: It will.
Rory: I remember everything I read. Front page, op-ed, concert reviews. It never leaves. My eyes accidentally flit over an obituary, I'm hunting for the metro section, and I can remember the deceased's first wife's name a full month afterward. I mean, and that's just a flit, not even a perusal. If I perused it, I could give you his grandkids in alphabetical order five years later.

Lorelai: Hello? Mom?
Emily: In here.
Lorelai: Oh, sorry, Mrs. Onassis. I was looking for my mother.
Emily: Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes?

Lorelai: Okay, Mom, where are all the people?
Emily: What people?
Lorelai: Well, Dad made it seem like you were surrounded by a small army. You know, enough people to care for you, then go topple Saddam's statue.

Lorelai: Mom, Mom, you've got to look up.
Emily: I can't look up. The sun causes searing pain.
Lorelai: Mom, the sun can't even find you under that hat. If we put that hat on Frosty the Snowman, he'd be living in Miami right now.
Emily: You're a very insensitive person, you know that?
Lorelai: Yes, I do.

Emily: Lorelai, I cannot ride in your Jeep. It's completely exposed to the elements. You do remember that I'm recovering from surgery, don't you?
Lorelai: No, really? I thought you were just doing your best Mia Farrow in Broadway Danny Rose impersonation.
Emily: Lorelai, I need my prescriptions. If I don't get my prescriptions, infection will set in, and I will lose my eyesight completely, and you will be doing this more than just today. Now, what's it going to be?
Lorelai: Ridiculous Sarah Bernhardt overdramatic...
Emily: My hearing's just fine, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Sorry.

Lorelai: Okay, Mom, what's next?
Emily: You don't have to say it like that.
Lorelai: I just spent the last hour and a half watching you get a manicure.
Emily: It's my standing appointment, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Yeah, except I was the one standing 'cause there weren't enough seats.
Emily: Well, if I'd missed that appointment, it would be weeks before I could get another, I'd be walking around with hobo hands. Now, stop being so surly. This is the last stop.
Lorelai: Great. You realize we're in Beacon Falls?
Emily: So what?
Lorelai: So we've driven almost as far as Stars Hollow. Now I'll have to drive you all the way back to Hartford.
Emily: Well, I'm sorry, Lorelai. Next time I have some sort of illness, you can put me on an iceberg and float me out to sea. Let's go.

Emily: I'm sorry if we're late. I had this awful surgery yesterday, and today has been a nightmare.
Lorene: Oh, I hope you're feeling all right.
Lorelai: Oh, she's fine. Dragging that cross around made her a little tired.
Emily: Lorene, this is my daughter, Lorelai. She has headaches, and that tends to make her babble.
Lorene: Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you some aspirin?
Lorelai: Oh, no, thanks. I'm okay. I've had the headache for 38 years.

Emily: Now, I'm sure Luke will need some convincing. He doesn't look like the kind of man who willingly takes extravagant gifts from people, so I've concocted a few good lies we can tell him. It's for his own good, and once the two of you in the house...
Lorelai: It's not gonna happen.
Emily: What? Well, of course it will. If we have to pay more than the asking price, your father and I are totally prepared-
Lorelai: Luke and I... the wedding... it's not gonna happen.
Emily: What?

Emily: Well, I hate wearing glasses, so I found the best doctor on the east coast, made an appointment, and I'm going in tomorrow.
Richard: Personally, I like you with glasses.
Lorelai: It's that whole "dirty librarian" thing, right, Dad?
Richard: I beg your pardon.