Richard: [on the phone] Lorelai, it's your father. I'm unconscionably late with this call. Blame South Dakota.
Lorelai: Dad, what is going on here?
Richard: Your mother's eye surgery went badly. She's all right, but she can't see a thing.
Lorelai: Well, that doesn't sound all right to me.
Richard: It's only temporary. She's on painkillers. I would have been there myself, but I was called out of town. Have you ever been to South Dakota? It's the most boring state in the nation. As I was flying in, I swear I saw one of the heads on Mount Rushmore yawn.

Lorelai: Ah, how can you possibly say she looked better with the dark hair?
Rory: She did. The blonde just seemed like she was trying to be her sister.
Lorelai: The dark hair makes it look like she's trying too hard not to look like her sister, plus she does not have the nose for dark hair.
Rory: What does that mean?
Lorelai: Dark hair is like a giant light-up arrow pointing to what is wrong with you. Blond hair, it all sort of blends in in a haze of beige.
Rory: Nuts, you're nuts.
Lorelai: You're double nuts!
Emily: All right, that's it. No more spaghetti and meatballs. Musepa, come get these plates.
Lorelai: Mom!
Emily: Every time we have spaghetti and meatballs, you fight.
Lorelai: No, no, we're not fighting. We're just, uh, bonding.

Richard: I'm sorry about that. I left work early today, and apparently, that caused everyone's I.Q.s to drop 60 points. My food is gone.
Emily: The girls were fighting.
Richard: Well, I told you not to serve spaghetti and meatballs. They always fight when we have spaghetti and meatballs.
Lorelai: That's not true.
Rory: We fight just as much when we have Chinese food.
Emily: Can we please talk about something besides food?
Lorelai: Starvation, scurvy, the Donner party.

Emily: Oh, Richard, he just was saying the man is handsome.
Richard: Yes, as if it's a selling point.
Lorelai: It can be.
Richard: Hardly. Everyone knows ugly men make the best doctors.
Emily: That's absurd.
Richard: It's a fact.
Emily: Marcus Welby was handsome. And George Clooney.
Lorelai: Fake doctors, Mom.
Emily: Well, I'm sure they were modeled after real doctors.

Emily: Well, let's just talk about something else. We had lunch with Christopher yesterday.
Lorelai: You...
Rory: [sighs] Lunch.
Richard: We took him to the club.
Lorelai: Okay, but why?
Richard: Because there'd been a lot of tension between us about the tuition incident, and your mother and I thought it was time for a sit-down.
Lorelai: A sit-down? What, did you get Clemenza to hide a gun in the bathroom first?

Richard: We're going to add some funds from our foundation and donate the total amount to Yale University in your name.
Rory: What?
Emily: That's right, and we'll make sure it goes for something really important, like a medical building.
Lorelai: For really handsome doctors.

Sookie: There's a staff meeting tonight? [to Michel] Did you know about a staff meeting?
Michel: No, I didn't.
Sookie: I don't have a sitter tonight.
Michel: I set up a three-hour session with my trainer tonight. I'll have to pay full price if I cancel this late. It's like 2 zillion dollar.

Sookie: I have to get a babysitter if there's gonna be a staff meeting tonight, and Becky, the good one, is at her grandmother's, so I'll have to use her crazy goth sister who wears the snake around her neck and eats all my Eggos.

Luke: What can I get you, Kirk?
Kirk: What do you think?
Luke: About what?
Kirk: Letting the beard grow.
Luke: Nice. What can I get you?
Kirk: First couple of days, it was itching like crazy, but now I'm used to it, although I find myself doing this a lot. [thinking gesture]
Luke: What do you want to eat, Kirk?
Kirk: Last weekend, I accidentally wrote all over my face with a Sharpie, and Lulu thought it looked kind of sexy. That's where I got the idea.
Luke: It looks really good, Kirk. Now, can I take your order?
Kirk: Hmm. [thinking gesture]
Luke: I'll come back.

Paris: Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going, cowboy?
Logan: Nature calls.
Paris: You can't get up. Rory said you need complete bed rest. She trusted me with your well-being. I cannot betray that trust.
Logan: Then what's your suggestion for my current predicament?
Paris: I'll get the bedpan. Where's your bedpan?
Logan: I don't have a bedpan.
Paris: You got tupperware?