Jackson: Smell me. What do I smell like?
Sookie: You smell like Jackson and something else. What is that? It's not zucchini. It's not sprouts.
Jackson: It's marijuana.
Sookie: Yes! Oh, my God, Jackson, why do you smell like marijuana?
Jackson: You know that back half-acre that I haven't planted for a few years, up on the slope, out of sight, out of mind? Well, I went back there this morning, and it's a giant field of pot! Every square inch. Hundreds of plantings. It looks like Harrison Ford's backyard.

Logan: [on the phone] You've got to call off your sentries.
Rory: They're there for a reason.
Logan: To re-enact their favorite scenes from Misery?
Paris: [o.s.] Your kitchen needs organizing!
Logan: Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Doyle: You shouldn't talk loudly. You'll strain something.
Logan: I've got Dana and Moshe Abramowicz on top of me.

Rory: [on the phone] Look, maybe the doctor knows a little bit of what he's talking about.
Logan: You think?
Rory: So I guess get up, but superslow. It should look like a Monty Python routine, you're moving so slow.
Logan: I'll make John Cleese proud.

Jackson: What was I to do? If I put in the garbage, the garbageman could see it.
Sookie: I know. And he looks like a big, fat fink.
Jackson: And if I put it down the garbage disposal, it could clog. We'd have to call a plumber, and then he could fink on us.
Sookie: And he would, too. That guy seems like a big, fat fatty fink.
Jackson: We can't flush it for the same reason, and burning it seemed like a tremendously dumb idea.
Sookie: You'd get the whole town high.
Jackson: So what was I to do?
Sookie: Anything but bring it home!

Emily: That quack eye surgeon blinded me for life.
Lorelai: I don't think he blinded you for life.
Emily: Well, he blinded me for the next two days, at least. The procedure was a disaster. He did one eye and then announced that the new procedure didn't comport to the anatomy of my eye, so he had to resort to the old procedure, which I absolutely did not want.
Lorelai: 'Cause it's so last year.
Emily: And, of course, he wouldn't go near the other eye until he saw how this one healed.
Lorelai: Well, that makes sense.
Emily: And then Dr. Mengele told me to rest and is having me put eyedrops in every hour, further impeding my vision. And to top it off, the man looked nothing like Marcus Welby.

Lorelai: Mom, seriously, what kind of errands are they? Shopping, banking, hardware store?
Emily: I need to get my coat first.
Lorelai: Mom, is it dealing in human trafficking? 'Cause I'm an excellent people person.

Emily: Lorelai, be careful.
Lorelai: Well, I'm not used to driving a missile silo down the street.
Emily: Oh, stop being so dramatic.
Lorelai: Yeah, wouldn't want to be dramatic.

Emily: You know, I'd forgotten what a handsome man Christopher is. He was wearing a very nice blue tie. And his hair is very short. Normally, I don't like a man's hair that short. It makes him look like a convict or a masseuse, but I think it works on him.
Lorelai: Yeah, I'm sure it does.

Sookie: Does Neil toke? We could give all of this to the town troubadour to give to him.
Jackson: I think if he tokes, he's already got a connection.
Sookie: Of course. He's Neil Young.