Luke: How do you know this?
Lorelai: Well, I couldn't get to sleep the other night, you know, when we went to bed, and so I read your oven manual.
Luke: You're kidding.
Lorelai: Well, it was either that or the broiler manual, and the oven won, 'cause it's shiny and pretty.
Luke: You never cease to amaze me.
Lorelai: And I never will. Bye, Doll. And hey, leave the broiler manual out for me. I'm kind of into this whole kitchen appliance genre now, you know? "Kitch lit".

Michel: Okay. I just took the Andersons to room three, I opened the door and when I went inside I found that the bedspread was mussed.
Lorelai: [gasps] The bedspread was mussed.
Sookie: Call a cop.
Michel: I checked that room personally last night after it had been cleaned. It was perfect. No muss.
Lorelai: No fuss!
Michel: Why are you joking? Why? Do you not care that people are sneaking into our rooms, mussing the beds, eating the food?
Lorelai: Okay. I'm sorry. You're right.
Michel: I know I'm right. I do not need you to tell me I'm right.

Sookie: Hey, maybe we got a ghost.
Lorelai: A ghost. That would be cool. People love haunted inns.
Sookie: I wonder what kind of ghost we have.
Lorelai: Maybe a Confederate Soldier.
Sookie: Or a lonely spinster that never married.
Lorelai: Or Patrick Swayze.
Sookie: In search of his lost career.
Lorelai: Maybe we have ghosts having sex and then eating Toblerones.
Sookie: Ooh, hungry, horny ghosts.

Lorelai: Kirk, what are you doing here?
Kirk: I'm assembling the bouquet garnish.
Sookie: I thought you hired him.
Lorelai: I did not hire him.
Kirk: I thought I might want to work on a kitchen staff someday, and I figured this was a good place to learn.
Lorelai: Kirk, get out!
Kirk: Can I at least finish my shift?
Lorelai: No!

Rory: I can't believe you've never seen "The Office".
Logan: I feel very stupid.
Rory: Well, you should. It's brilliant. Especially the fourth time you see it.
Logan: What happens the fourth time you see it?
Rory: You can actually understand what they're saying. I have them all on DVD. You can borrow them if you want, but only if promise to abide by the fourth time rule.
Logan: I'll abide by your fourth time rule. If it's as good as you say, I'll raise you a fifth.

Lorelai: Oh, behold our ghost.
Sookie: Okay, this isn't what it looks like.
Lorelai: I don't know what it looks like.
Sookie: I'm just watching T.V.
Lorelai: Because we have the convenient channel list next to the bed?
Sookie: No. Though it is convenient.
Lorelai: Sookie, you want to tell me what's going on? You know, before Kirk changes into his maid's outfit and starts to clean the room?

Sookie: I'm horrible.
Lorelai: You're not horrible.
Sookie: I am. I'm the most horrible person in the world.
Lorelai: Well, my mother will be sad to know she's been dethroned.

Lorelai: You can't discuss this with Jackson? Tell him you need one night a week to yourself to watch Dark Shadows? He wouldn't understand that?
Sookie: Of course he would understand. That's the problem. Jackson would immediately tell me, "Sit down, relax, watch T.V" and he'll take care of Davey.
Lorelai: [scoffs] Men are pigs.
Sookie: And then I would sit there racked with guilt because he works all day too, and I would think about the fact that I'm shirking my motherly duties, and it would ruin everything. But here...
Lorelai: I get it.
Sookie: I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
Lorelai: Oh, don't worry about it.

Lorelai: Listen. My parents are very weird people. They don't hate you. They just don't know you. This is the perfect opportunity. They'll be happy. They'll be smashed. You show up, shake some hands, get in a few family pictures, and before you know it my mother will be trying to convince you you're too good for me. [Luke sighs] Come on, it'll be fun. Good food. Open bar. I'm wearing a fabulous dress. And as maid of honor, if you're not there, I'll have to get drunk and make out with the best man. Who is Rory. So you can see all the creepy ramifications of your absence here.
Luke: Okay.

Lorelai: Since when did you get a T.V.?
Luke: I just picked it up this morning.
Lorelai: What about your REM sleep?
Luke: Hey, twice a week you're going to bed at 9:30 like a 72-year-old woman because I have early deliveries, so I figured the least I could do is make sure you don't miss your Charlie Rose or your Patrick Stewart.
Lorelai: Jon Stewart.
Luke: And plus, I can sleep through anything. Once I'm out, I'm out.
Lorelai: Oh, I know.
Luke: So, here. Enjoy.
Lorelai: You are too good for me.
Luke: Well, maybe I'll meet a nice girl at your parent's wedding.