Sookie: Okay, we've got our French fantasies, American treats, and our Italian taste sensations. Well, what do you think?
Rory: Amazing.
Lorelai: Incredible.
Sookie: It is good, isn't it? Well, final touch.
Rory: Oh, can I do that?
Sookie: Honey, this is a more delicate procedure than you might think. Okay. It takes an expert hand.
[After the table cloth catches fire as Sookie picks up the blow torch, Lorelai grabs a glass from a punch bowl on another table]
Lorelai: Hi. Oh, well, what is that, $1? Let me just give you... Let me find you $1. You know what? I'll take two. I'll drink one. [chuckles] Hmm. Tasty and flame-retardant.

Max Medina: Okay. How about coffee? You like coffee?
Lorelai: Only with my oxygen.
Max Medina: Can we drink some together? A sort of pre-date. Very casual, no strings, no obligations. We'll see if it's worth going down the road of including food in the deal. Just coffee. Decaf? There's nothing safer than decaf.
Lorelai: I'm gonna be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State and there's a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4:00 and usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time nor would I avoid them if I knew them, if they did.
Max Medina: You know, the wordsmith thing, that's something we have in common.
Lorelai: So, see you around, Max.
Max Medina: Indeed. You will.

Rory: Wow, that sounds bad.
Babette: Cinnamon's dyspeptic. So is Morey. Too many clams.
Morey: Bad clams.
Babette: This doesn't reflect well on Al's establishment.
Lorelai: You had clams at Al's?
Rory: Al's Pancake World?
Babette: Yeah, well, we had a coupon.

Miss Patty: Rory! Hello. Try a plum. They're better than sex.
Rory: No, thanks.
Miss Patty: Fresh fruit always has such a sensuality about it. Are you too young for this?
Rory: Definitely.

Kirk: Ma'am, what are you doing?
Miss Patty: Please, honey, don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel older than 25. Here, have a pea pod.
Kirk: I'm assuming you'll pay for the food that you've consumed on the premises.
Miss Patty: So brusque. And you are?
Kirk: I'm the new assistant manager here.
Michel: Listen here, my fine friend, who, if he had a better hairstyle I might consider dating. I do this all the time.
Kirk: Not from now on. I'm sorry.
Michel: Oh, now, wait a minute. I've been sampling food at this establishment for years.
Kirk: The next time you put something in that mouth that doesn't belong there I'll remove it and then call the police.

Cashier: Is this all you want? A head of lettuce and a mousetrap?
Rory: That should do it.
Dean: That's a couple of must-need items there.
Cashier: $2.27.
Rory: I only have $1.
Dean: I can loan you the rest.
Rory: No, I'll just take the lettuce.
Dean: Perfect. You could use half of it for a salad then use the other half to clobber the mouse with. Paper or plastic?
Rory: I'm fine.

Max Medina: I think we should date.
Lorelai: Why?
Max Medina: Because I think we both want to.
Lorelai: Well, I want to be in The Bangles, but it doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle. Does it?
Max Medina: The Bangles broke up.
Lorelai: Yeah, that's not the point.
Max Medina: Well, it's got to be part of the point if there's no band anymore.

Lorelai: Life is a funny thing, huh?
Sookie: Yeah, I love that Jim Carrey.
Lorelai: What?
Sookie: Jim Carrey. He's just funny.
Lorelai: He is funny. But then I don't mean funny-funny. I'm being philosophical.
Sookie: Oh, very serious face. Jean Paul Sartre.
Lorelai: I can't talk to you with that face.
Luke: How do you guys get any work done?

Lorelai: All right. I'm just gonna keep it simple. I'll tell Rory. If there's even an ounce of weirdness about it, I'll cancel.
Sookie: You haven't told Rory yet?
Lorelai: No.
Sookie: Oops.
Lorelai: No, not oops. The timing hasn't been right. This is a very delicate, fragile situation. It's like your souffles. If you don't do it right, it's a disaster.
Sookie: And you have to order it 45 minutes in advance.
Lorelai: Huh?
Sookie: My souffle.
Lorelai: Right. But I wasn't speaking directly about your souffle. I was speaking metaphorically.
Sookie: So you don't like my souffles?
Lorelai: How do we work together?

Michel: Hello? Hello, where is Lorelai? I'm dropping something off. Yoo-hoo, heehaw man, where's Lorelai Gilmore?
Lorelai: Thank you. I could not get back to the inn.
Michel: What? You are having a party, and I was not invited?
Lorelai: Sweetie, it's not a party. It's a wake.
Michel: Really? Who died?
Lorelai: Their cat.
Michel: You are mourning a cat?
Lorelai: Yes.
Michel: They lick their privates, these cats.
Lorelai: Not the comforting chit-chat we're looking for. Goodbye. I'll talk to you later. Thank you.