Lorelai: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm looking for heroes.

Emily: [on the phone] You must think I'm a complete idiot.
Lorelai: No, Mom, I don't.
Emily: There is no flier. You're making it up to cover for the fact that you once again neglected to tell me about an important event in your life.
Lorelai: Mom, I swear there's a flier.
Emily: Shame on you for swearing there's a flier. That's the worst possible thing you could do.
Lorelai: Liv Tyler grew up her entire life thinking Todd Rundgren was her real father. You think that might knock this out of first place?

Lorelai: I can't believe we're doing this.
Sookie: Well, you did tell her to treat us like any other catering service.
Lorelai: "I'd like you to do a test meal, Lorelai. After all, you are a new company." She must be so happy right now. She's probably been cackling into her magic mirror all morning.

Emily: Were you asleep?
Lorelai: No.
Emily: Then why are you in your pajamas?
Lorelai: These aren't pajamas.
Emily: You wear that in public?
Lorelai: Hi, Mom. Would you like to come in?
Emily: You have the word "juicy" on your rear end.
Lorelai: Well, if I had known you were coming over, I would have changed.
Emily: Into what, a brassiere with the word "tasty" on it?

Lorelai: All right, Kirk, show me what you got.
Kirk: If you'll just follow me, I would like to present you with my new line of one-of-a-kind mailboxes.
Lorelai: Wow. They look very nice, Kirk.
Kirk: And whimsical. They say to the world, "I'll take my mail with a smile."
Lorelai: Yes, they do say that.
Kirk: And since you are one of our preferred customers, with the purchase of one of our mailboxes, I'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop and a garlic peeler.
Lorelai: Wow, that's quite an offer, Kirk, but I think it's a little early for me to pick a mailbox. We haven't even settled on a color for the inn yet.
Kirk: Well, whimsy goes with everything.
Lorelai: Kirk, I promise, just as soon as- Is that Condoleezza Rice?
Kirk: Yes, it is. I'm a fan, and her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in.

Emily: It's simply disgraceful.
Richard: For years, we've had peace in the neighborhood.
Emily: I knew the Richmonds were going to be trouble when they missed the block party last month.
Lorelai: I don't understand. They gave out full-size candy bars for Halloween. So what?
Emily: Not full-size candy bars, Lorelai. King-size candy bars.
Richard: We've been giving out full-size candy bars for years now.
Emily: And then those people move in and throw the entire balance of the neighborhood off. They made everybody look ridiculous.
Richard: It's very embarrassing.
Emily: I think we have to do something about this. Maybe go to the homeowners association.
Lorelai: Two Halloweens ago, someone painted the Duprees' Chihuahua orange and nobody went to the homeowners association then.
Emily: Well, everybody hated Taco.

Lorelai: I think you're making a little too much of this.
Emily: I saw Mae Richmond at Bay Wellington's two weeks before Halloween. She had ample time to bring it up then, and nothing. Not a word. I think it might be time to go after their ball machine. [Richard chuckles]
Rory: Their ball machine?
Richard: They have a ball machine on their tennis court that is extraordinarily loud and unpredictable.
Emily: Flying, thumping balls all over the place.
Lorelai: Flying, thumping what all over the place?
Emily: Balls. [Lorelai chuckles] You are four.
Lorelai: And balls are funny.
Richard: Don't worry, Emily. If the homeowners association doesn't do anything, we'll take this to the neighbors, get a petition going.
Lorelai: Or if that doesn't work, you could throw some hoods on and burn a full-size Mars bar on their front lawn.
Emily: King-size, Lorelai. King-size.

Richard: I took five courses when I was a freshman. Rory takes after me.
Rory: I like to be busy.
Richard: Idle hands are the devil's playthings.
Lorelai: That's actually the title of one of her classes.

Emily: "I think it's cute."
Richard: He's young, Emily.
Emily: Yes, well, a good smack on that scruffy face of his would age him up a bit. All right, let's discuss the launch party. Do you have any sort of particular feel in mind?
Richard: Well, I'll leave that to your discretion. Just make sure it's dignified.
Emily: We probably shouldn't go too fancy. Maybe we'll do one of those vodka bars - caviar, a Russian theme. I love that it's okay to be Russian again.

Lorelai: Kirk, you have a date.
Kirk: No, just an appointment to take Lulu to dinner.
Lorelai: That's a date.
Kirk: I don't have high hopes for it, if that's what you're thinking.
Lorelai: Kirk, it's very sweet, but are you sure you want to have dinner in your living room?
Kirk: Well, the breakfast nook doesn't seem festive enough.
Lorelai: Right, but while you're having dinner in your living room, where will your mother be?
Kirk: Probably in the living room.
Lorelai: Is that what you really want? To have dinner with your mother watching?
Kirk: I could ask her to face the wall.