Kirk: You would fold?
Taylor Doose: What was that, Kirk?
Kirk: You would fold due simply to hardship?
Taylor Doose: Not now, Kirk. Keep everything where it is, guys. No reason to unload it just to load it again.
Kirk: Would you follow blind guides which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel?
Miss Patty: Oh, that's your blood sugar talking, sweetie. Eat a candy bar.
Kirk: This is but a crisis of faith.
Taylor Doose: I said not now, Kirk.
Miss Patty: Let him talk. What's the harm?
Kirk: When the road to your destination is revealed to be long and dusty, is your destination's value so diminished?
Taylor Doose: Well, I suppose not, but still-
Kirk: If a storm mars your camp for the night, is it wise to search for high ground or hold your camp 'til the light of new day?
Miss Patty: Well, it's something to think about.
Kirk: A crisis of faith can be delivered, but one must believe to be delivered.

Rory: This is a violation of my civil rights.
Lorelai: You better do what John Ashcroft says or they may just follow us home.
Rory: Unbelievable.

Lorelai: How's your research coming along, Kirk?
Kirk: Good, although I got off to a slow start. I didn't realize Jesus wasn't in the Old Testament 'til I hit page 368.

Rory: So, the washer's broken.
Lorelai: Yep.
Rory: You didn't mention that when you saw me walk out with my exponential amounts of laundry.
Lorelai: Sorry.
Rory: Or when I called from Yale to say that I had exponential amounts of laundry to do.
Lorelai: You've totally co-opted my word.
Rory: Okay, plethora. That's my word. I have a plethora of dirty laundry and nowhere to do it.
Lorelai: But you don't come home to do your laundry. You come home to see your mama.
Rory: No, this time I came home to do my laundry.

Jackson: You look mystified.
Lorelai: No, it's just you guys have done a lot of research on this, right?
Sookie: Millions of babies have been born this way.
Jackson: It's a great tradition.
Sookie: And hospitals are so cold, you know, so full of infections.
Jackson: And dead people.
Sookie: And sometimes the dead people have infections.
Jackson: And if they're not dead yet, they die.
Lorelai: All true.

Lane: Get this. I just found the most amazing guitarist - a phenom. He was cool on the phone, and we're meeting him tomorrow.
Rory: That's great.
Lane: I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I've already figured out that our SPIN cover should be against a bloodred backdrop with a skull hovering over us.
Lorelai: Oh, well, very Norman Rockwell.

Luke: You're involving yourself in this thing? It's such a stupid waste of time.
Lorelai: I just thought of the perfect painting for Luke to be in. "Cranky Guy in Baseball Cap."
Rory: Was that Manet or Monet?
Lorelai: That was mustard on my hamburger and a side of fries, please.
Rory: She's the queen of segues.
Luke: She's the queen of something.

Lorelai: What'd you get, Kirk?
Kirk: Christ in The Last Supper.
Lorelai: The big kahuna.
Kirk: I'm gonna do it right, too. Lots of research. What's a good book to read?
Lorelai: Uh, the bible?
Kirk: Right. Yo, where are my apostles? Where are my homeboys? James, son of Alpheus, give me five. Simon, the Canaanite, don't leave me hanging.

Kirk: Oh, you must be one of my missing apostles. Still haven't met them all. I'm Christ.
Grant: It's gonna be a lot of fun, huh?
Kirk: Definitely. Which apostle are you?
Grant: Judas.
Kirk: Judas.
Grant: So, where do I go for my fitting?
Kirk: Oh, I think you know where you're going, pal.
Lorelai: Right through that flap. I'll meet you back there.
Grant: Thanks. So I heard you and all the apostles are going to Shakey's later.
Kirk: You heard wrong, friend. We're not going to Shakey's.
Grant: Oh, okay. Maybe some other time.
Kirk: Yeah, some other time.

Lorelai: Hey, how's the research going, Kirk?
Kirk: Good. I'm using the clothing to get into character and I've been focusing on historical foods. Christ ate a lot of lentils.
Lorelai: Huh. No utensils back then?
Kirk: No, they had utensils.