Lane: No. No. Young Chui is not in love with me. And it's not for you to take an innocent friendship like Young Chui and I have, with its air of innocence and its... innocence. And, oh my God, he loves me. That stupid boy's fallen in love with me!
Rory: It's not stupid. You're a catch.
Lane: But not his catch, I'm Dave's catch. I've already been caught.

Rory: My mom asked whether you're going full time to school.
Jess: Your mom?
Rory: Yeah.
Jess: Why's she so interested?
Rory: Because you're dating her daughter.
Jess: Oh, great, what else does she think I did? Start the fire, put Phil Spector up to it?
Rory: I told her yes, you were going.
Jess: As they say on the Family Feud, good answer.

Lorelai: Well, of course she is, Luke. You don't talk about another woman on a first date.
Luke: Even if it's just a friend?
Lorelai: They don't exist.
Luke: Come on.
Lorelai: Not on a first date.
Luke: No other women exist on a first date, not even my mother?
Lorelai: Do you really think talking about your mother on a first date is wise?
Luke: Not really.
Lorelai: You can maybe mention a sister, maybe. And then you move on really, really quickly.

Lorelai: Sorry, I have to get up super early tomorrow.
Luke: No problem. What time?
Lorelai: Six.
Luke: I get up at quarter to five every morning.
Lorelai: Why in the world would you get up that early?
Luke: I don't know, to run my business?
Lorelai: Well, change businesses.

Rory: Luke and Sookie have worked things out.
Lorelai: There does seem to be a grudging respect thing going on.
Sookie: Get the ricotta fritters started, guys. I wanna serve those first.
Luke: Hey, we making the Cajun Eggs Benedict again?
Sookie: I don't know, we could.
Luke: Let's do it, it was good.
Sookie: Well, the Cajun was all your doing.
Luke: Only because I knocked the cayenne pepper into your hollandaise.
Sookie: How do you think they invented the Reese's cup and penicillin, my friend? We can win the Nobel here.

Kirk: Say, how can I have a career as a Poe?
Poe #2: It's not a career, this is just an event that we do. I write technical manuals for a living.
Kirk: Yes, but how can I have a career as a Poe?

Lorelai: Okay, let's see. Looks like Harvard definitely has the smallest class sizes.
Rory: Okay, we've got our first entry here. It's a pro for Harvard.
Lorelai: Whoa, those are not the final official pro/con lists.
Rory: Why? What's wrong with them?
Lorelai: The lines are crooked, the printing's all sloppy. Harvard, Princeton and Yale cannot see them looking like that.
Rory: They're not going to see our pro/con lists.
Lorelai: [chuckles] What if they subpoena them?
Rory: Then I'll roll 'em up in a ball and eat 'em.

Lorelai: Oh, a big pro for Yale, they have 1100 members of the maintenance staff. Clean, clean, clean.
Rory: All three of these places probably have the same number.
Lorelai: But Yale must be crowing about it for some reason. Princeton might only have two.
Rory: Two?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: You think there're a total of two guys cleaning all of Princeton?
Lorelai: Write "Princeton's stinking filthy" in big letters.
Rory: Yeah, I'm pretending to write it as we speak.

Kirk: They're $14.95. How many can I put you down for?
Luke: No solicitors, Kirk.
Kirk: How about if I cut you in for a piece of the action?
Luke: How about I toss the shirts out the door first so you can have something to land on?
Kirk: Got it.

Luke: Hey, which school best teaches how to make an important life decision without doing a stupid pro/con list? Whichever one it is, add it to the pro column.
Lorelai: Do not mock the sciencificity of our selection process.
Rory: I've gotta head to school.
Lorelai: Hey, why go anymore? You're in college. Let's go truffle hunting or something.
Rory: Maybe after I graduate.
Lorelai: All right, but if all the good truffles are gone, don't say I didn't warn you.