Kirk: Got your latest topical T-shirts here, people. Brand new topical T-shirts for sale.
Rory: What's this one say?
Lorelai: "Faux Poes foes."
Rory: Very clever, Kirk.
Kirk: It was an inspiration. But they're not selling much better than the "Babette ate oatmeal" shirts.
Lorelai: Keep the dream, Kirk.

Lorelai: Hey, who are you on with?
Michel: The Cheshire Cat Inn.
Lorelai: Ah, great, find people places to sleep. Excellent.
Michel: [on the phone] Yes, my name is Michel Gerard, I used to work at the Independence Inn and I was wondering if there were any positions available. [Lorelai grabs Michel's cell phone] Phones, computer, I'm on it.

Lorelai: It's nice of you to help guys, thanks. Now, at least half the Poe group needs to stay another night, so we're gonna need to find places to put them up.
Michel: Everything is booked.
Lorelai: Have you checked the Cheshire Cat, the Maiden's Teacup, the Cookie House, the Sugarbear Inn?
Michel: Every place that sounds like Glinda the Good Witch threw up, yes, all booked.

Lorelai: Michel?
Michel: Forget it. The Poes are weird. I'd fear being killed in my sleep. Plus, I don't like strangers using my toilet.

Rory: Hi. I brought a bunch of school stuff from the past few days. If there's anything missing, I can bring it over later.
Paris: Thank you. No offense, but my soap's starting.
Rory: So, you're sick, huh?
Paris: You know what's wrong. You of all people. That's Martin. His sister-in-law got kidnapped and he thinks his former lover is behind it.
Rory: Juicy.

Rory: So you've been incommunicado lately.
Paris: I've had Nanny hold all my calls, and the mail. My parents are away, so I've been totally Howard Hughes-ing it.
Rory: So did you tell them about Harvard?
Paris: No.
Rory: Don't you think you should?
Paris: No.
Rory: Well, don't you think they'll find out?
Paris: How?
Rory: Well, you not moving out might be a tip-off.
Paris: I'll get an apartment in Cambridge, buy a Harvard sweatshirt, talk about Mira Sorvino a lot. It's doable.

Paris: I did tell my mother about having sex with Jamie, and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in fifteen years.
Rory: Yikes.
Paris: Like I couldn't tell.
Rory: And what's going on with your boyfriend?
Paris: I haven't called him either.
Rory: So the only people in your life right now work at General Hospital?
Paris: This isn't General Hospital. I don't deserve General Hospital.

Rory: Well, you said please, that's very polite.
Paris: I sound like a meth addict. I might as well record the new Justin Timberlake over this.
Rory: I hate that you're torturing yourself like this, in bed like this.
Paris: Proust wrote all three thousand pages of In Search of Lost Time in bed. If it's good enough for him...

Rory: Bed is not a life plan, and you, my friend, need a life plan, so here it is. You need to tell your parents about Harvard. You need to start taking calls from people. You need to check the mail so that you can see the other millions of universities that have no doubt accepted you and that are probably dying to be in the Paris Geller business. You need to call your boyfriend back because he's going to be worried about you and because none of this is his fault, and you need to start by getting the hell out of bed.
Paris: You did not just say "be in the Paris Geller business."
Rory: You know what I meant.
Paris: There is no alternative to Harvard.
Rory: Except Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Sarah Lawrence, et cetera, et cetera.
Paris: Well, maybe you're right.
Rory: I'm unquestionably right.
Paris: But I'm not jumping up this second.
Rory: You don't have to rush it.
Paris: And I'm going to have to keep watching this, at least until Adriana's wrongful conviction for aggravated assault is overturned.
Rory: I understand.

Lorelai: [knocks] Luke! [shouts] Luke! [shouts] Stella!
Luke: Who is that?
Lorelai: Lorelai.
Luke: What are you doing down there?
Lorelai: Enjoying some air, getting some exercise, and freezing.
Luke: Well, go home.
Lorelai: Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: It's from Ed Wood, the movie.
Luke: Have you gone bonkers?