Chandler: Let me see what you wrote about yourself. "Doctor of paleontology, two kids." Wait a second. You split with Carol because you had different interests? I think you split with Carol because you had one very similar interest.

Ross: I'm dead and no one cares?
Monica: I look like a man?
Chandler: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time.

Phoebe: Look, Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me. But I'm actually feeling a lot better.
Monica: You are?
Phoebe: Yeah, I just kind of want to be alone right now.
Monica: Who's that?
Phoebe: I ordered Chinese food. [Monica opens the door to Mike] What are the chances?! One billion Chinese people, and they send Mike.

Chandler: Maybe we finish this for him. Also, I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She is now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says, it's the best sex I've ever had. And send.
Joey: No, no- You can't do that to him.
Ross: All right, let's go.
Joey: Dude.
Ross: I think you made it clear you can't be trusted with the ball inside the house.
Joey: And send.

Ross: I'm dead?
Chandler: And so young.
Ross: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.
Chandler: Well, how you died was funny.
Ross: Oh, please. Hit by a blimp?!
Chandler: It kills over one Americans every year.

Chandler: You're not gonna actually send these out, are you?
Ross: Actually, no. I don't need to, because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work. Okay? There were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke, my friend, is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead.

Kori: I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance.
Ross: No, you didn't! I'm still alive! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story. But the things you just said really made my day. The fact that you're here means more to me than if this room were filled with people.
Kori: You sick freak! Who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you.
Ross: Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!

Ross: No, Mom, I am not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, okay? Actually, no. Even if I had died, you would not be left childless. Monica?

Ross: I have sex with dinosaurs?
Chandler: I believe I read that somewhere.
Ross: Not only is it not funny, it's physically impossible. Okay? Depending on the species, I'd have to have a 6-foot-long- It's not funny.
Chandler: I respectfully disagree.

Rachel: You're gonna take Huggsy away from a little child?
Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place?