Chandler: You know, I think we're making too big a deal out of this. So we'll pay our bills a little late this month. And maybe next month we'll cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're a chef. What can you make out of baking soda and beer?

Mike: You know what? I just realized something. I don't want to go home.
Phoebe: Great. Okay, I'll go get the tube top.

Monica: Listen, I need to know that what I'm about to ask you will never get back to Chandler.
Joey: I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it myself. But Chandler is my best friend.
It would be wrong. Good, but wrong.
Monica: Okay, first of all, it would be great. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about.

Monica: I need to borrow some money.
Joey: Oh, I don't know, Monica. You know lending friends money is always a mistake.
Monica: But Chandler lent you money.
Joey: And I think he would tell you it was a mistake.

Joey: Oh, God, baby-proofing. Why is it such a big deal now? You know, when I was a kid, it was like: "Whoops, Joey fell down the stairs." Or, "Whoops, Joey electrocuted himself again."

Mike: It's just, my first marriage was you know, such a disaster that I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Phoebe: Was it that bad?
Mike: At one point, near the end she deliberately defecated on my-
Phoebe: Okay, well, that's bad.

Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.
Ross: The Divorcer to the rescue.
Phoebe: It's not cooler.
Ross: Yeah, I just heard it.

Monica: Well, my breasts are gonna get bigger whether you like it or not. And, you know what, it's not just my breasts. My ass is gonna get bigger too.
Chandler: Your ass?!
Rachel: And don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger too.
Chandler: They do that?
Monica: It's kind of a package deal.
Chandler: God, why? Why would you want to do that to yourself?
Monica: I thought it was something that we both wanted.
Chandler: All right, look, if it means that much to you, I may be able to get onboard with the boobs but the giant ass and the big clown feet?

Rachel: Joey, why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is.
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Uh-huh. For your boob job.
Chandler: Joe-
Monica: It's over.
Joey: Okay, so I'm out $4000 and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?

Ross: I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were all caught up in the whole soccer-mom thing but is that really you? I mean, can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Phoebe: They are awfully boxy.