Rachel: Well, we brought you some wine.
Ross: Oh, that is so thoughtful. She's a keeper. And what did you bring me, huh?
Joey: Actually, that's-
Ross: Underwear, a toothbrush and a Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!

Phoebe: Oh, God, last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing.
Frank Jr.: I haven't slept in four years.
Phoebe: That's a long time.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I could handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand. Well, what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on? I got no more hands to protect my area. There's three of them, Phoebe. Three.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.

Bill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting.
Chandler: So a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh? I mean, you have a lovely home.

Chandler: Can I see the book? You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
Monica: Please. It's just so pretty and white.
Colleen: I would have told him to do it too.
Monica: Can I adopt you?

Phoebe: Well, just for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically which one would you be willing to give up?
Frank Jr.: Huh.
Phoebe: Frank Jr. Jr.?
Frank Jr.: You'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day, he made up this joke: What's green and says, "Hey, I'm a frog"? [laughing] A talking frog. Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny.
Phoebe: Well, all right, that's fine. What about Leslie?
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, not Leslie. No. She's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Phoebe: All right, so that leaves Chandler.
Frank Jr.: No, no, you can't have Chandler. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor.
Phoebe: Wow, Frank, I think we just ran out of kids.
Frank Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.

Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Monica: They're in the kitchen, getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?
Chandler: We have to leave.
Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Oh, my God, where's my purse? No, you know what, I can replace everything in there. Get that binder and let's go!

Colleen: Hi.
Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. You don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.
Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know, we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think, on some level, he already knows?
Owen: I'm adopted?
Chandler: See? Intuitive.

Bill: What? Where did you hear that?
Owen: He told me. And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.
Chandler: Which, technically, now you should give back.
Colleen: You told him he's adopted?
Chandler: I'm so sorry. But you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks Santa is real."
Owen: He isn't?
Chandler: We have to get out of here, baby.

Rachel: You know what, Ross, I think we're gonna take off too.
Ross: Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.
Rachel: No, it's just getting late-
Ross: Hey, hey, hey. It's fine. It's totally fine. I've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good. [oven timer dings] I don't even know what that's for.

Ross: I'm fine, okay? I'm great. I'm just- I'm just proud of us. You know? There's no weirdness, no tension.
Rachel: No awareness.
Ross: No, we make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh, let's take a trip! Okay, where do you think we can go? [oven timer dings] My fajitas!