Dean Lipson: Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.
Ross: Zoo dollars?
Dean Lipson: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well, it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.

Rachel: And she's not crazy?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. She's a total whack-job. She thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Ramoray.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Monica: And he's going out with her? He cannot pursue this.
Chandler: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness? Does she not deserve love?
[Rachel and Monica glare at Chandler]
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.

Rob Donan: Are you okay?
Phoebe: No. Nuh-uh. I'm just- I'm nervous. Maybe if I just picture them all in their underwear.
Rob Donan: That's not a good idea. That's kind of the reason the last guy got fired.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] There'll be times when you get older, When you'll want to sleep with people, Just to make them like you, But don't! 'Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, Everybody! That's another thing, That you don't wanna do.
Monica: Excellent.
Chandler: Very informative.
Rachel: Not at all inappropriate.

Rob Donan: The kids loved you.
Phoebe: Yea. I rock.
Rob Donan: And you know why? Because you told the truth and nobody ever tells kids the truth.
You were incredible.
Phoebe: But?
Rob Donan: How did you know there was a "but"?
Phoebe: I sense these things. It was either "but" or "butter."

Ross: Buddy, my monkey?
Zoo Keeper: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in a few months back. Inside job. Your monkey was taken.
Ross: But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.
Zoo Keeper: The zoo! You believe everything the zoo tells you?
Ross: That's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.

Monica: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neurosurgeon.

Joey: Okay, I know I should have told you a long time ago but I am not Drake Ramoray. I'm not even a doctor. I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
Erika: Oh, my God! Do the people at the hospital know about this?
Joey: Somebody wanna help me out here?

Joey: You deserve much better than me. You deserve to be with the real Drake. He's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem. Find him. He's the guy for you.

Ross: This is exciting. I haven't seen my monkey in a year.
Chandler: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the "monkey is penis" genre?