Frasier Quote #171
Quote from Frasier in Miracle on Third or Fourth Street
Frasier: Well, as we head into our second hour, I'd like to lighten things up a bit. Although, Ned, we were certainly glad to hear from you, and how you got mugged on your way home from the soup kitchen. Roz, who's next?
Roz: We have Don on line five, he wants to tell us about the time he was filled with the Christmas spirit.
Frasier: It's about time. Hello, Don.
Don: "Hello, Dr. Crane. Something happened to me yesterday that kind of sums up why we call this the season of giving."
Frasier: Well then, swaddle me in Christmas cheer.
Don: "Okay. Well, you see, I was driving home from the gym, and I suddenly realized I had left my favorite old pair of sneakers on the roof of the car. So, I look back and there's this homeless guy, and he'd already picked them up, and he's putting 'em on. So I just thought, what the hell, and kept on driving."
Frasier: So your experience of the Christmas spirit would be that you didn't slam the car into reverse, speed back there, and rip a pair of smelly old sneakers out of a homeless man's hand? Well, Roz, this is special, I think we've got Santa Claus himself on the line!
Features in the collections: I'm Listening, Christmas Quotes.
‘I'm Listening’
Quote from Frasier in Selling Out
Roger: "Well, I had a really good year, so I decided, hey, why not reward myself? So I bought what I really wanted, a 48ft cabin cruiser. Want to know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me, 300 grand. Not to mention the $20,000 for the custom teak decking. Now, here's my problem: My wife wants to call this incredible vessel 'Lullubelle', after her mother. 'Lullubelle!' So, I say no, we call it 'The Intrepid'. So, what do you think it should be called, 'Lullubelle' or 'The Intrepid'?"
Frasier: Roger. At Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the "tunneling electron microscope." Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
Quote from Frasier in Here's Looking at You
Frasier: Hello, Doug, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
Doug: "Yeah, it's about my mother. She's getting on now and she doesn't have much of a life. I mean, she doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I mean, she literally hangs around the house all day. I mean, it is very frustrating."
Frasier: Doug, I'm sorry. Can we just go back for a second? You said your mother "literally" hangs around the house. I suppose it's a pet peeve of mine, but what you mean to say is she figuratively hangs around the house. To literally hang around the house you'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey. Now back to your problem.
Doug: "Do you mind if we stop while I tell you my pet peeve?"
Frasier: Oh, not at all.
Doug: "I hate it when intellectual pinheads with superiority complexes who nitpick your grammar when you come to them for help. That's what I've got a problem with."
Frasier: I think what he means is, "That is a thing with which he has a problem."
‘Christmas Quotes’
Quote from Niles in Frasier Grinch
Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry, if Frederick's anything like me, the kind of toys he'll like to play with are... A kitchen set, a dollhouse and three kinds of Barbies. Oh, good God. This is for a Franklin Crane from Kennebunkport. Oh, God, do you realize what this means?
Niles: Yes. The Cranes of Maine have got your Living Brain.
Quote from Frasier in Mary Christmas
Frasier: Oh, Niles. I hope you had the presence of mind to bring presents of mine.
Niles: I haven't heard that line since last year. But then again, Christmas is the season for chestnuts.
‘Miracle on Third or Fourth Street’ Quotes
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Merry Christmas, Seattle! Yes, this is Dr. Frasier Crane coming to you on Christmas Day. Christmas, that very magical time of the year, when each moment is as unique as a snowflake, never to be recreated.
[Roz bangs on the window]
Roz: I'm sorry, Frasier, the news went over you. You're gonna have to do that again.
Frasier: Merry Christmas, Seattle...
Quote from Martin
Frasier: Dad, what are you doing with that?
Martin: I'm gonna hang it on the front door, like I always do.
Frasier: But it's plastic.
Martin: Well, of course it's plastic. Do you think a real one would've lasted since 1967?
Quote from Martin
Martin: Let's finish decorating the Christmas tree. I brought up the good lights from the storage room.
Frasier: Oh, dad, you know what, I don't want to use those lights this year. I picked up these just yesterday.
Martin: Chili peppers?
Frasier: Well, yes, they're very fashionable.
Martin: Chili peppers aren't Christmas.
Frasier: Well, for that matter, neither are scotch pines or snow ornaments. And for God's sake, if you want to be technical, Bethlehem was in the desert.
Martin: Fine. Why don't we decorate a palm tree?
Frasier: I don't need your sarcasm.
Martin: But I always use those lights.
Frasier: Dad, dad. This is my house, these are my decorations, just once, can I have just one thing I wanted this Christmas?
Martin: Hey, look. Wait a minute. I know you're upset about Freddie, but don't take it out on me.
Frasier: Oh fine. Now you're the psychiatrist?
Martin: Oh, I give up. Go ahead, decorate the thing. Use your chili peppers!
Frasier: All right, I don't want them anymore!
Martin: Go ahead. Use 'em! Why don't- You know, maybe we could hang a few radishes, put a nice broccoli on top!