TV Quotes

Frasier: Oh, Niles. I hope you had the presence of mind to bring presents of mine.
Niles: I haven't heard that line since last year. But then again, Christmas is the season for chestnuts.

Roz: I thought your father was in charge of Christmas decorations.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, not this year. We're doing it my way. That's why I'm ordering a tasteful tree here. They'll even deliver it on Christmas Eve, fully decorated.
Roz: Gee, that'll be fun for Freddie.
Frasier: Oh no, Frederick won't be joining me this year. He's spending his vacation on an archaeological tour with Lilith.
Roz: He's spending Christmas with dried-up old bones?
Frasier: [laughs] I thought I told you, she's taking him on an archaeological tour.

Bulldog: [indicating the mistletoe hanging from his hat] Hey, Roz. You know what's over my head?
Roz: Almost any clever remark?
Bulldog: What'd she mean by that?

Frasier: I see you've been busy in the kitchen.
Daphne: Yeah. I'm bringing Grammy Moon's famous plum duff. It's a still flour pudding boiled in a cloth bag.
Martin: Who gets to lick the bag?
Daphne: No. You see, Grammy Moon had a secret ingredient. She'd soak it for hours in rum, then ignite it in a blinding flash. As soon as she came out of the kitchen with no eyebrows, we knew dessert was ready. You know, to this day the smell of burning hair puts me in the holiday spirit.

Niles: Well, that's it. It's over. It's over and I've lost. Maris has won. Maris always wins.
Martin: Niles.
Niles: Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That's why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatchback!

Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, and this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane, the eminent psychiatrist.
Niles: My brother is too kind. He was already eminent when my eminence was merely imminent.