Frasier Quote #128

Quote from Frasier in Selling Out

Roger: "Well, I had a really good year, so I decided, hey, why not reward myself? So I bought what I really wanted, a 48ft cabin cruiser. Want to know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me, 300 grand. Not to mention the $20,000 for the custom teak decking. Now, here's my problem: My wife wants to call this incredible vessel 'Lullubelle', after her mother. 'Lullubelle!' So, I say no, we call it 'The Intrepid'. So, what do you think it should be called, 'Lullubelle' or 'The Intrepid'?"
Frasier: Roger. At Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the "tunneling electron microscope." Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

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Features in the collection: I'm Listening.

‘I'm Listening’

Quote from Frasier in Here's Looking at You

Frasier: Hello, Doug, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
Doug: "Yeah, it's about my mother. She's getting on now and she doesn't have much of a life. I mean, she doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I mean, she literally hangs around the house all day. I mean, it is very frustrating."
Frasier: Doug, I'm sorry. Can we just go back for a second? You said your mother "literally" hangs around the house. I suppose it's a pet peeve of mine, but what you mean to say is she figuratively hangs around the house. To literally hang around the house you'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey. Now back to your problem.
Doug: "Do you mind if we stop while I tell you my pet peeve?"
Frasier: Oh, not at all.
Doug: "I hate it when intellectual pinheads with superiority complexes who nitpick your grammar when you come to them for help. That's what I've got a problem with."
Frasier: I think what he means is, "That is a thing with which he has a problem."

Quote from Frasier in Fortysomething

Frasier: Hello, Rachel. I'm listening.
Rachel: "Oh, thanks for taking my call, Dr. Crane. Um, I'm involved in sort of a strange love triangle."
Frasier: [off-air, to Roz] Oh goody, this is sweeps week!
Rachel: "You see, I recently married a widower. Now, Phil's a real good man, he's a kind man. But there's just one little problem. He insists on keeping an urn with his late wife's ashes on the dresser in our bedroom."
Frasier: That is a definite yikes.
Rachel: "See, I knew that wasn't normal. He says it is, but I knew it wasn't!"
Frasier: All right, Rachel, Rachel, now listen. Before you go off half-cocked, let's try to remember this is a very sensitive issue for your husband. Obviously those ashes mean a very great deal to him. And although I don't believe it's appropriate that he keep them in the bedroom, I suppose you could maybe move them to another room?
Rachel: "Well, I guess I could try that. Maybe I'll move them into the guest room. [sound of crockery breaking] Oops."
Frasier: Rachel, what happened?
Rachel: "Oh, oh, nothing. I gotta run, Dr. Crane. I've got some vacuuming to do."
Frasier: Well, as Rachel helps Phil's wife off the floor, we have reached the end of our second hour.

 ‘Selling Out’ Quotes

Quote from Frasier

Martin: Look. Why don't you just go down there. If you like the food, do the commercial. If you don't, don't.
Frasier: I suppose that's the logical approach. Why don't the three of us go tonight? I'll make a call. I better make the reservations under a different name. I don't want any special treatment, you know. I just want to be treated like I'm just an average working Joe. [on the phone] Good evening. Yes, yes. We'd like a reservation for three this evening at 8:00. Oh, nothing till 10:00? Oh. Well, then, uh- This is Dr. Frasier Crane, from the radio and- Yes, I thought you might. Thank you. [hangs up] We're in at 9:45.

Quote from Bulldog

Frasier: What is this with my name on it, Roz?
Roz: That's the contract for the Hunan Palace gig. That's how much they were going to pay you. I guess I need them to change the name on here to "Bulldog".
Frasier: They pay you that much just to read some copy?
Roz: Yes. Of course, Bulldog usually adds his own special touch.
Bulldog: [Gong] [in a stereotypical Chinese accent] You will come, chop chop to Hunan Palace, where Peking duck is always extra crispy. [rustles paper, duck whistle]
Roz: We're gonna get sued this time for sure.

 Dr. Frasier Crane Quotes

Quote from She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.