Andy: Hey, Ray.
Ray: Hey, Andy. Thanks for coming, man.
Andy: [eating hamburger] No problem. I was in the mood for a little botulism.

Andy: You have to keep track. Give me that! What did you do here? Why did you pay so much on your Visa card?
Ray: Because I'm not going to pay interest charges. You pay in full, no interest charges.
Andy: That is smart. No money left, either. Look at this. Debra had everything in order.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, Debra, Debra, Debra. All right. I'm sick of this money stuff.
Andy: Just tell me what I have to do. All right. First, you got to take last month's ending balance. Then you add the interest accrued on the account. Then you add all the checks that we know have cleared and then you subtract that number from... Ray, what did I just say to you?
Ray: "Accrued."
Andy: All right, Ray, you had your little fun with mommy's checkbook. Now it's time to give it back to her.
Ray: No. I'm not giving it back to her. Then she's gonna know I couldn't do this.
Andy: Well, she may get an inkling when they cut off your power and tow away your house.
Ray: I don't get it. Look at this. How can it be this bad? It's only been six weeks.
Andy: That's what so shocking.

Ray: Look, isn't it obvious? I'm too short to play this game.
Andy: What?
Ray: I measured myself yesterday, and I'm a quarter-inch shorter than last year.
Kevin: Ray, you could shrink a foot and still not be the shortest guy on the team. [puts arm around Andy]
Andy: You could lose a leg and still not be the slowest. [rubs Kevin's belly]

Andy: Come here, Raygeleh. You're worried that you're not going to accomplish everything you set out to do in life.
Ray: I am?
Andy: Who knows? But I went to this self-improvement seminar to meet women and I learned that people with goals don't worry so much about getting old.
Ray: Did you meet anyone?
Andy: No one. Apparently, I don't appeal to women with goals.

Ray: I have some minor, minor things.
Andy: Oh God, I'm gonna be a stat guy for the rest of my life.
Ray: Stop it, all right? It's very good.
Andy: Don't say that!
Ray: What? What do you think very good means?
Andy: Very bad!
Ray: Do you want my notes or not?
Andy: Yes!
Ray: All right.
Andy: Oh my God! Look at all the red marks!

Ray: Debra thought I wasn't being encouraging. but I guess whatever I did kind of helped.
Andy: Yes, yes. In a way, yes.
Ray: What do you mean?
Andy: Well, I didn't exactly take your notes. I mean, I went home and I thought about it. I decided I liked the way I had it and I sent it.
Ray: [chuckles] Oh. [chuckles] Imagine that, man.
Andy: But thanks anyway. Your notes were very good!

Ray: Hey, "Sports Illustrated," huh?
Andy: Forget about "Sports Illustrated." They rewrote my whole article.
Ray: The whole thing?
Andy: The whole thing.
Ray: But they bought it. So they must have liked something.
Andy: Apparently they liked that it was about sports. They just didn't like the words I picked or the order I put them in.

Andy: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, some hors d'oeuvres are good. What are you planning?
Ray: Well, a couple of thing, you know, like, uh... I got those chicken-on-a-stick things.
Andy: Ooh, satay.
Robert: Hey, Ray, could we get those stuffed mushrooms?
Ray: I don't know. You like those?
Gianni: You got 'em, I'll eat 'em.
Andy: What about for those of us who have a bit of a sweet tooth?
Gianni: And a bit of a fat stomach?
Ray: I'm gonna go with these chocolate-dipped strawberries.
Andy: Chocolate and strawberry, that's an excellent flavor combo!

Debra: Hey, Andy.
Andy: Hey, Deb, is Ray here?
Debra: No, he's not home. No, he's not home yet. Hey, you hungry?
Andy: Oh, sure, I could always go for something.
Debra: I made some braciole. Taste it.
Andy: Oh, you made- Uh... No, no, no, I'm actually- I'm in training. I'm in training for a running thing.
Debra: Come on.
Andy: No, no really. And I've gone kosher. I'm in a Jewish marathon.
Debra: Okay. Try it, okay? One bite, one bite. That's it. One.
Andy: Run away with me.

Andy: It's great! I don't know what Ray's talking about.
Debra: What do you mean, "talking about"?
Andy: Nothing, he was just trying to be funny at work.
Debra: Funny? About this? Was he making fun of my braciole?
Andy: No, he was not.
Debra: Wait, Andy. Andy, he told me he loved my braciole. What did he say to you about it?
Andy: Did I ever show you how I can wiggle my ears? Look at this-
Debra: Andy, Andy. What did he say about the braciole?
Andy: I did not find it funny.
Debra: Andy!
Andy: He said it was Italian for "road kill." Please don't hurt me.
Debra: "Road kill"?
Andy: He was just kidding around like he always does.
Debra: He always does this?
Andy: No, no. Listen, I had some TheraFlu earlier. And then I realized I do not even have the flu, so I'm really flying, whoo-hoo-hoo!