Chris: Hey, Kill Moves, what did you want to do?
Kill Moves: I'm doing it. And if you study real hard, you, too, could be President of the United States of America.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or crazy as hell.

Rochelle: My kids are not wearing somebody else's old clothes. I mean, these pants could've belonged to anybody.
Julius: You act like the pants are cursed.
[fantasy: Chris is wearing the pants in a police line-up:]
Officer: [o.s.] Face forward.
Woman: [o.s.] That's him, officer.
Officer: Are you sure?
Woman: I know it's him. He's wearing those pants.
[reality:]
Julius: Look, I can't afford to buy all new school clothes.
Rochelle: I guess that's one more thing you can't stand about your miserable life. My kids are not wearing these, so you either get new clothes or new kids.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's trying to figure out which one is cheaper.

Chris: What does this have to do with me going to college?
Mr. Abbott: If you don't know what you want to do with your life, it's all going to be a big waste of time and money. Do you know how many broke people went to college?
Chris: Not really.
Mr. Abbott: Ladies and gentlemen, this young man here thinks that all you have to do in life is go to college and you'll be successful. By a show of hands, how many of you went to college? [nobody raises their hand] We're on the wrong bus.
[later:]
Mr. Abbott: Now by a show of hands, how many of you people went to college? [seven people raise their hands] We're on the right bus. Now by another show of hands, how many of you people right now wish you had that money to pay some bills? [fourteen hands go up] Thank you.
[later:]
Chris: So what do I do?
Mr. Abbott: Well, I can't tell you that. But I'll tell you this, you can't go to college just because your parents will get mad if you don't. When you get out of high school, take some time to figure things out. Get a job, travel. Go find yourself.

Greg: So, how'd things go? Did you figure out what you want to do?
Chris: Not really, but I'll be all right. If I can't figure out what I want to do, at least I can be a guidance counselor. [Mr. Abbott walks up behind Chris] I mean, all you do is ask people questions that you don't even know the answer to, and you tell them to take a hike. I mean, I may not be the smartest person in the world, but I think I'm smart enough to do that.
Mr. Abbott: Is that all you think I do?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even in a diaper, Greg could run like the wind. The smelly wind.
Chris: Am I wrong?
Mr. Abbott: Listen here, short bus, I work for the school. I deal with the tests, okay? You know, when I was your age, I took these tests, too, and I did great. Do you think I thought I was going to just be a guidance counselor?
Chris: Well, what did you want to do?
Mr. Abbott: What I wanted to do required bravery... dedication, commitment. I wanted to serve the people.
Chris: So you wanted to be a Marine?
Mr. Abbott: Not exactly.
[fantasy: Mr. Abbott is in the driver's seat of a truck next to a crash test dummy. He screams as he drives the truck straight into a concrete wall.]
Mr. Abbott: Anyway, it's not too late for me, and it's not too late for you. Good luck.

Rochelle: Well, you won't have to do that, baby. You're going to college. You'll be able to do anything you want.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like get out of high school?
Tonya: Am I going to college, too?
Drew: Yeah, you can be a professor of ugly-ocity.
Tonya: Shut up.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I entered the ninth grade at Corleone, even though I was still in a junior high building, it was technically my first year of high school. Some things remained the same...
Joey Caruso: Welcome back, Jungle Love.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] ...and some things changed totally. Namely, everything I did from then on would affect my future. At the end of the eighth grade, every student had to take the Grade 8 Proficiency Assessment test.
Ms. Morello: The G.E.P.A., or GEPA, assesses your progress and addresses any changes you might need in your curriculum.
Chris: So we're not getting a grade on this?
Ms. Morello: Technically, no.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's technically great 'cause I technically didn't study.
Greg: So did you get your test scores back yet?
Chris: Not yet, but I'm not worried about it, though. They said the test doesn't count towards your grade, so what difference does it make?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A lot.

Mr. Abbott: [sighs] Okay, maybe it's not that bad. I'm going to have to help you. That's my job. I'm the "guidance" counselor. But I'm going to have to run some more tests.
Chris: More tests? What are these tests for?
Mr. Abbott: Well, I'm going to have to build a psychological profile.
Chris: You're giving me a crazy test?
Mr. Abbott: No, it's not a crazy test. It's to see if you're good at anything.
Chris: One question. Are these tests important?
Mr. Abbott: Well, unless you want to start taking a little bus to school, they're very important. I'll see you tomorrow.

Julius: Well, whatever you do, make sure you like it, 'cause once you have a family, that's what you're gonna be doing for the rest of your life.
Rochelle: Wow. You make it sound so bad.
Chris: So, Mom, how did you decide what you were going to be?
Rochelle: Well, when your father decided that he wasn't going to be rich, I decided to get a job.
Julius: I didn't decide I wasn't going to be rich. I didn't go to college. I drive a truck 'cause that's what I know how to do.
Rochelle: So you're saying you don't like your life?
Julius: I didn't say that.

Mr. Abbott: Well, according to your test results, you have a lot of potential, but it's just going to take time to develop.
Chris: So what do we do now?
Mr. Abbott: I'm recommending that you take remedial classes.
Chris: Remedial class?!
Mr. Abbott: Remedial class.
Chris: I can't go to remedial class.
Mr. Abbott: You're going to go.
Chris: How am I supposed to tell my mama I'm going to remedial class?
Mr. Abbott: I'll write a note.

Greg: So how'd it go with the guidance counselor?
Chris: He wants to put me in remedial class.
Greg: What?! How did that happen?
Chris: Well, remember that test we took?
Greg: The one they said didn't matter?
Chris: Right. It mattered.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only thing worse than getting put out of school was the thought of being put in remedial class.
[fantasy: Chris sits at a child-sized desk drinking a juice box in a room full of teenagers:]
All: [sing] Round and round
Remedial Teacher: Come on, Chris!
All: [sing] The wheels on the bus go round and round All through the town. [kids cheering]