Chris Quote #310
Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor
Chris: What does this have to do with me going to college?
Mr. Abbott: If you don't know what you want to do with your life, it's all going to be a big waste of time and money. Do you know how many broke people went to college?
Chris: Not really.
Mr. Abbott: Ladies and gentlemen, this young man here thinks that all you have to do in life is go to college and you'll be successful. By a show of hands, how many of you went to college? [nobody raises their hand] We're on the wrong bus.
[later:]
Mr. Abbott: Now by a show of hands, how many of you people went to college? [seven people raise their hands] We're on the right bus. Now by another show of hands, how many of you people right now wish you had that money to pay some bills? [fourteen hands go up] Thank you.
[later:]
Chris: So what do I do?
Mr. Abbott: Well, I can't tell you that. But I'll tell you this, you can't go to college just because your parents will get mad if you don't. When you get out of high school, take some time to figure things out. Get a job, travel. Go find yourself.
Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
‘Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor’ Quotes
Quote from Manny
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My dad didn't go to college and neither did my mother, so I tried to find out if I knew anybody who did.
Chris: Hey, Manny, did you ever go to college?
Manny: Always wanted to, but I found out I couldn't.
Chris: Why not?
Manny: I had this thing called "extenuating circumstances."
Mr. Omar: Like what?
Manny: I never finished high school. So I got a job here and when Manny died, I took over.
Chris: Wait, you had the same name as the owner?
Manny: No, no, no, my name was Lester. But I had to make a choice: change the sign or change my name. And that sign was expensive.
Quote from Chris
Mr. Abbott: Okay, let's start. Father.
Chris: Tired.
Mr. Abbott: Mother.
Chris: Bald.
Mr. Abbott: Excuse me?
Chris: Sorry. I was still on "father."
Mr. Abbott: Thank God. I thought you had a bald mother.
Quote from Greg
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was throwing clothes in the box, Greg was thinking outside the box.
Mr. Abbott: You did unbelievable on this test. There's a lot of things you could do when you get out of college.
Greg: At first, I was thinking I could start up an investment banking firm, or maybe franchise a coffee store.
Mr. Abbott: "Franchise a coffee store"? That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. A store that sells nothing but coffee? Well, what you going to open up next? A place that sells nothing but staples? Oh, what's after that? A place that sells everything for 99 cents? [sniffs] You smell anything?
Greg: Well, see that's what I was going to tell you. I settled on being an astronaut. I'm... I'm wearing a diaper.
Mr. Abbott: A diaper?! You mean, you want to fly a rocket, but you're still gonna pee in your pants?
Greg: Well, they don't make you do it but I wanted to see if I could take it.
Mr. Abbott: Nobody could take it, Greg. Now, get the funk out of my office. [sniffing] Gah!