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Everybody Hates the Babysitter

‘Everybody Hates the Babysitter’

Season 1, Episode 7 -  Aired November 3, 2005

When Julius decides to take Rochelle out to dinner, they hire a babysitter to look after the kids.

Quote from Chris

Yvette: Chris, I got to go!
Chris: What do you mean you got to go?
Yvette: I got something I got to do.
Chris: You are doing something!
Yvette: Well, you stayed with your brother and sister before, right?
Chris: Yeah, but that's only during the day.
Yvette: You'll be fine. I'll be right back.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At that moment, I want to bust her right upside the head.
Tonya: I'm hungry.

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Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Uh, excuse me. I ordered coleslaw, but this is potato salad.
Waiter: I'll get the manager.
Julius: We don't want the manager. We want coleslaw.
Waiter: I'll get the manager.
Manager: Is there a problem?
Julius: Uh, my wife ordered coleslaw and got potato salad.
Meter Maid: I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but that meal comes with potato salad.
Rochelle: But I ordered coleslaw.
Manager: But it comes with potato salad. Now, we'd be happy to sell you a side of coleslaw for 79 cents, you just have to get back in line.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Never go out on the day they give out welfare checks.
Julius: You got a thousand little paper cups of coleslaw back there. You mean you can't take this back and bring her one?

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: You know what? Never mind. Just bring me a bowl and I'll have some of his coleslaw. Not a problem.
Manager: No, no, no, can't do that, ma'am. We have a no-sharing policy.
Rochelle: So what you're telling me is that I can't have some of my husband's coleslaw? That's what you're saying to me?
Manager: [chuckles] You could, but we would have to ask you to leave.
Julius: You know what? Baby, you know what...
Rochelle: I eat at home. That's why I cook my own meals.
Julius: You know what? I'll get you coleslaw.
Manager: Is there anything else?! Enjoy your meal.
Rochelle: What the hell-- Does he think he's Mr. T? Why is he acting like that?
Julius: It's okay. This is our night, it's our night.
Rochelle: You're right.

Quote from Chris

Tonya: Did you bring something back to eat? I'm hungry.
Yvette: I forgot your mother put some chicken in the oven for you.
[a moment later, Yvette removes the charred chicken from the oven:]
Yvette: I'm gonna run and get you guys something to eat. Watch the baby, okay?
Chris: You can't leave your baby here.
Yvette: Why not?
Chris: Because you're baby-sitting.
Yvette: I'm just going down to Lincoln Fried Chicken.
Chris: What if he gets hungry? What if he throws up?
Yvette: He won't. It'll be fine. I'll be right back.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At that moment I was sure of two things: I wasn't going to be fine, and she wasn't going to be right back.

Quote from Chris

Chris: [answers the phone] Hello.
Rochelle: Hey, baby, how's it going?
Chris: Good. [baby coos]
Rochelle: Is that a baby?
Chris: No, it's the TV.
Rochelle: Where's Yvette?
Chris: She's in the bathroom.
Rochelle: Okay. Well, we'll be home in a little while, all right?
Chris: Okay.
Rochelle: Okay, love you.
Chris: All right, bye.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know you're thinking: "Why didn't I just tell my mother what was going on?" Well, I figured it couldn't get any worse.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sometimes my father would be so focused on everything going right, he didn't realize he was the reason it was going wrong.
Julius: It's okay. Your coleslaw will be here any minute.
Rochelle: Julius, why do you make such a big deal out of nothing?
Julius: Because I spent good money on this. I expect it to be good.
Rochelle: Well, is it about the money or is it about me?
Julius: Why would you even ask me that?
Rochelle: Baby, we have been waiting thirty minutes for a Dixie Cup full of coleslaw. Think about it. Oh, finally!
[The waiter arrives carrying a large tray. He sets it down on a stand, removes the tiny cup of coleslaw, takes the table's number sign and packs up the tray and stand]
Waiter: Enjoy your coleslaw.
Julius: I'm sorry. I don't get to take you out as much as I'd like.
Rochelle: It's okay, baby.
Julius: I just want everything to be right. But as long as I'm with you, everything's perfect. I love you.
Gunman #1: Everybody down!
Gunman #2: Get down! Now!
Rochelle: Damn it!

Quote from Chris

Yvette: Chris, where's the baby?
Chris: His father took him.
Yvette: You gave my baby to a stranger?
Chris: No, to his father.
Yvette: That could be anybody.
Chris: He asked for you at the door. And the baby said "Da-Da." Who else could it be?
Yvette: I don't know! Where'd they go?
Chris: To his mother's house. [Yvette walks away] I know, you'll be right back.

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] As bad as things were going, I could always count on one person to make things go from bad to worse.
Gunman #2: [answers phone] Hello?
Tonya: Hello? I'm looking for my parents. They're having dinner there tonight.
Gunman #2: I'm sorry, I think you got the wrong number. This ain't no restaurant.
[cuts back and forth between the restaurant and home:]
Chris: Tonya, what are you doing?
Gunman #1: Hey! What are you doing?
Tonya: I'm calling mom.
Gunman #2: I'm answering the phone!
Chris: Are you trying to mess everything up?
Gunman #1: You going to mess everything up. Just hurry up. Just put the money in there!
Tonya: Momma said call if anything went wrong. Something went wrong, so I'm calling.
Chris: Tonya, no. They're on a date. And if you call, you're going to be messing everything up. Then mama will be mad at Dad, Dad will be mad at me. Just let me handle this, okay?
Tonya: All I know is somebody better French braid my hair.

Quote from Julius

Gunman #1: Give me the money, big man!
Julius: Yeah, just watch where you're pointing that thing.
Gunman #1: Don't tell me where to watch. I'll point this wherever I want.
Rochelle: Julius, just be quiet.
Gunman #1: You better listen to your girl.
Julius: Hey, that's not my girl, that's my wife.
Gunman #2: Hey, man, come on, just get the money and let's go.
Gunman #1: No man, big man over here trying to be a hero.

Quote from Rochelle

Gunman #2: Chelle?
Rochelle: Huh?
Gunman #2: Is that you? It's me, Ricky! Remember? From Flatbush!
Rochelle: I'm sorry, I- I don't believe I know who you are.
Gunman #2: I used to be at the club with Shine and them, remember? We used to pop 'n lock. Remember?
Rochelle: Oh, Ricky Edwards?! Donna's brother!
Gunman #2: Yeah! Yeah! How you been?
Rochelle: Oh, good till now. [chuckles] How you been?
Gunman #2: Oh, I'm hanging in there.
Rochelle: All right, okay.

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