Julius: You want some doves?
Tonya: I think she wants angel wings.
Drew: No, no, no. She wants champagne.
Chris: An exploding chandelier?
Rochelle: No, you guys. I want Pure Voodoo!
All: Oh!
Chris: That stuff looks expensive.
Rochelle: Well, you asked me what I wanted.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I knew right then I had to get that perfume for Mother's Day. I was just glad it wasn't a commercial for a Cadillac.

Greg: So what are you getting your mom for Mother's Day?
Chris: Oh. Pure Voodoo.
Greg: Isn't that stuff expensive?
Chris: It's only, like, 40 bucks.
Greg: 40 bucks! You can buy a car with that.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Actually, in my neighborhood, you could.
[flashback: Jerome rushes out of a car as police sirens wail:]
Jerome: I'll sell you this car for 40 bucks.
Kill Moves: 50!
Jerome: [laughs] Sold.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was planning my expensive surprise, Tonya was finding the cheapest Mother's Day gift ever.
Tonya: Daddy... Mama... "The Columbian Record and Tape Club"? "Resident"?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In our house, everybody was allowed to open mail addressed to "Resident."
Tonya: [gasps] Eight records for one penny? I can get Mama a present, and myself something, too. Aw, this is nice.

Julius: Drew, this stuff is junk. What is this, anyway?
Drew: That's my Voltron.
Julius: Voltron? Well, put it on the six-month rule.
Drew: What's that?
Julius: If you haven't used it in six months, get rid of it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If that was the case, he'd have to get rid of all his money.
Julius: After you get this stuff cleaned up, I'll give you five dollars.
Drew: Cool!

Perfume Clerk: May I help you?
Chris: Yes. I'm here to buy the Pure Voodoo for Mother's Day.
Perfume Clerk: The eau de toilette or the perfume?
Chris: Which one is $40?
Perfume Clerk: The eau de toilette.
Chris: I'll take it.
Perfume Clerk: Sorry. We're all out.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She did that on purpose.
Perfume Clerk: It's Mother's Day. You want to buy something cheap, you have to start early.

Chris: Okay. What about that bottle?
Perfume Clerk: Oh, that's not eau de toilette. This is the Pure Voodoo perfume.
Chris: What's the difference?
Perfume Clerk: The perfume contains up to 20% more aromatic compounds than the eau de toilette, and is classified by olfactive family, though it does not exist as a true, singular aromatic material, whereas the eau de toilette contains up to five to ten...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can see the rest of this 20-minute speech over at PerfumeNut.net. But here's the important part...
Chris: How much is it?
Perfume Clerk: $180.
Chris: $180?
Perfume Clerk: I'm assuming you don't have that.
Chris: No!
Perfume Clerk: Excuse me.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mother's Day was two days away, and I was up the creek without a present. But I knew my mother would understand. Or maybe not. My mother had done things for me she didn't want to do, so I figured it was time I return the favor. Of course, my mother didn't do anything that would get her locked up.
Security Guard: Hold it right there, son. [over radio] Situation in Cosmetics.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Either he really thought I was his son, or I was in big trouble.

Chris: Sir, please. I'm not a criminal.
Mr. Phillips: Not a successful one, anyway.
Chris: Okay, I admit I was thinking about taking the perfume. I just wanted to get something nice for my mother. Then I realized how stupid it was, and was I about to put it back. I'm sorry.
Mr. Phillips: All right, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Instead of sending you to jail, I'm going to put your picture up on our Wall of Shame.
Chris: What's that?
Mr. Phillips: All these people have either shoplifted, passed bad checks, or are named Kill Moves. Now, say, "Cheese."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Cheese?
Mr. Phillips: We have a two-strike policy here at Goldstein's. If we catch you here again, that is strike two, and you go to jail.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Goldstein's was ahead of its time, but one strike short. I looked like a senator caught in a bathroom.

Tonya: What are you doing?
Drew: Trying to figure out what to buy Mom for Mother's Day.
Tonya: I know what I'm getting her. And it's barely costing me anything.
Drew: What? A paper bag for your head, so she won't have to see your ugly face?
Tonya: No. And, just for that, I'm not telling you what it is.

Tonya: Hey, don't you have one of those?
Drew: I did, but Dad made me get rid of it. These guys are stupid. A Voltron's not worth anything.
Lonnie: [on TV] They were less than $20.
Donnie: [on TV] But, due to high demand and limited supply... These babies can be worth up to $150!
Julius: [wakes up] What's worth $150?!