Chris: Can I help you?
Malvo: Yeah. Give me the money. Now!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Malvo was the neighborhood's repeat offender. He always committed crimes.
[flashback to Malvo with a woman on a bed littered with stolen merchandise:]
Malvo: Yeah, shorty, that's real argyle.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He always got caught.
Police Officer: Police! [the woman screams] Get on the ground!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And he always got out.
[flashback to Malvo walking out the of the police station:]
Police Officer: See you next time, Malvo.
Malvo: A'right.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When Shawshank Redemption came out, Malvo thought it was a comedy.

Malvo: Hey, hurry-up!
Chris: Okay, okay. Just don't shoot me.
Malvo: Come on, man!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You ever noticed how hard it is to think when you're terrified?
[Chris grabs the bamboo stick and gets ready to swing it]
Malvo: Boy, you don't want to do that.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's right!
Malvo: Twelve dollars, that's all y'all got in there?
Chris: Doc just went to the bank.
Malvo: Next time, you better have more than $12 in there. I'm not playing, man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's not even finished robbing me this time, he's already planning on the next time.
Malvo: Give me that. [takes the bamboo stick] And you better not tell nobody you just got robbed... by Malvo.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'm also not telling anybody what I just did in my pants.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Before people had TVs in every room, families had to watch television the old fashion way. By taking turns.
[Drew walks up to the TV and turns the TV over to an ice hockey game from the music show Tonya was watching. She turns it back with the remote and they go back and forth switching it.]
Tonya: Stop!
[Drew walks over and sits down on the couch. He grabs the remote from Tonya and changes the channel again.]
Tonya: Mama, Drew keeps changing the channel.
Drew: I told her I was gonna let her watching right after I got the hockey score.
Rochelle: Look, I don't care what y'all watching long as y'all done when Sue Simmons comes on Live at Five.

Greg: You okay?
Chris: Let me ask you a question. What would you do if somebody robbed you and you can identify them, but you afraid to?
Greg: You got robbed?
Chris: At the store. This guy name Malvo. He scared me to death.
Greg: You know, there was a similar situation in Sharky's Machine Burt Reynolds got ripped-off but he didn't wanna go to the cops.
Chris: What did he do?
Greg: He killed all the bad guys.
Chris: Any other suggestions?

Greg: Why don't you just go tell Doc who this guy is and let him deal with it.
Chris: 'Cause he would kill me. This guy is so bad, he broke into prison.

Doc: Here we go. That's four cameras. Between them and these stickers, the thief will stop and think twice.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It did make Malvo stop and think about stealing the cameras.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] It was getting hard trying to think of more people that didn't look like Malvo. So I thought, maybe it was time I just told Doc the truth.
Doc: Wait. Hey, Malvo.
Malvo: Hey, Doc.
Doc: They let you out again?
Malvo: Yeah, I got time off for good behavior.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's like letting the devil out of hell.

Chris: I didn't really get a good look at the guy.
Malvo: You must have been scared, huh?
Doc: You say that again.
Malvo: Well I'll let y'all know if I hear anything 'cause, you know, I'm in 'em streets.
Doc: Yeah, but, you-- You need anything?
Malvo: No, Doc, I like them cameras man. They work?
Doc: Yeah!
Malvo: Well, I see you later, Chris. [exits]
Doc: Yeah, I got them hooked-up. I got four here, and, I was thinking about putting two in the... [turns around and sees Malvo has left]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wish Burt Reynolds was here.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was hoping I'd never see Malvo again, my father couldn't wait to see The Young and the Restless again.
Julius: Here we go.
Female Announcer: [on tape] Stay tuned for The Young and the Restless.
Julius: Cartoons?! Who recorded cartoon over my Young and the Restless?

Julius: I bought that Betamax so everybody could enjoy. I said you can tape anything you want. All I want, is one thing: tape my stories. That's all. And I don't even get that? From now on, if that red light is on on that Betamax, you don't touch it. You hear me?
Tonya: Yes, Daddy.