Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at home, my father was thinking about something he wanted.
Julius: Hey, baby. [slaps the woman's behind] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Who are you?
Sheila: I'm Sheila. You must be Julius.
Julius: What are you doing in my bathroom?
Sheila: Um, Rochelle said...
Julius: Where's Rochelle?
Sheila: She's downstairs, I think-
Julius: Rochelle!
Sheila: I live next door.
Julius: Where?
Sheila: Next door.
Julius: I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to, um smack on your...
Sheila: No, it's okay.
Julius: I thought you were-
Sheila: No. Forget about it. It's all right.
Rochelle: What?
Julius: Why didn't you let me know there were people in here?
Rochelle: I'm sorry.
Sheila: Uh, nice meeting you, Julius.

Julius: Next time, let me know when you got people in my house.
Rochelle: Okay.
Julius: Anybody else in here?
Rochelle: No!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If she found a strange man in her bathroom, she'd be nervous, too.
Rochelle: What is wrong with that man?

Tonya: Daddy, Drew got a "D" on his math test.
Drew: Shut up.
Tonya: You shut up.
Julius: A "D"? Chris! I thought you were going to help.
Chris: I did.
Tonya: Before Chris helped him, he got a "C".
Chris: Be quiet.
Tonya: No, you be quiet.
Chris: Shut up.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at school, Greg camped out for me like I was a new Star Wars movie.
Greg: Hey, where were you?
Chris: I was at class.
Greg: At class? I've been waiting here for 15 minutes.
Chris: I told you to wait at my locker.
Greg: You weren't at your locker.
Chris: I'm at it now.
Greg: But you weren't then!
Chris: Greg. Too close.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] There goes two more girls we're never going to get.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I felt better than Billy Dee Williams after a case of malt liquor.
Rochelle: [o.s.] Chris!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother was so loud, every Chris in Brooklyn could hear her.

Tonya: You're supposed to be up here studying, not kissing no girl. That's not part of your homework.
Chris: Shut up.
Tonya: I ain't shutting up nothing. And you going to get in-
Chris: Shut up.
Tonya: But I said I was telling.
Chris: I don't care.
Tonya: You don't? Hmm.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] All that mattered at that moment was that Drew had my woman.

Rochelle: You know, I waved at Sheila today and she acted all saddidy.
Julius: Yeah, pretty women are always stuck up.
Rochelle: You think she's pretty?
Julius: Huh? No. No, I... I don't. I... No!
Rochelle: No, you had just said that you thought she was pretty.
Julius: I mean, she's not ugly. I didn't notice.
Rochelle: So, you didn't notice a pretty woman walking around our house that you didn't know?
Julius: I really... Okay! She was in the bathroom and I smacked her on the butt.
Rochelle: You smacked her on the butt?
Julius: I smacked her on the butt. I thought she was you! Look, I see a grown woman's behind running around my house, I automatically assume it's yours.

Rochelle: So, you can't tell my behind from hers?
Julius: No.
Rochelle: But yet, my behind was perfectly clear to you last Wednesday.
Julius: I don't... I... I'm sorry.
Rochelle: So, are you attracted to Sheila?
Julius: No. No.
Rochelle: Well, Julius, if you're not attracted to her, how could you think she was me?
Julius: Because, y'all both fine, baby. What's...

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since Keisha broke my heart, I promised myself I would never give her the time of day.
Keisha: Hey, Chris.
Chris: Hi, Keisha.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Okay, that didn't work.
[Chris screams as a car heads towards him. After it honks its horn, he jumps onto the hood of a parked car]
Man: Get out of the street!