Adult Chris: [v.o.] Little did my mother know, somewhere across town, this was happening.
Charmaine: Then Rochelle had the nerve to tell me, "Charmaine, when it comes to makeup, less is more."
Husband: Less is more?
Charmaine: And she had the nerve to answer my phone, and you know don't nobody answer my phone but me.
Husband: She answers your phone?
Charmaine: And now my typewriter ribbon is missing. I know Rochelle got my ribbon. I can't prove it, but I know she got it.
Husband: She talked about your makeup, answers your phone and stole your typewriter ribbon?
Charmaine: Mmm-hmm.
Husband: I told you that woman was crazy.

Greg: This is so awesome.
Chris: Yeah, I know, and the best thing is, I'm finally going to get some respect.
Joey Caruso: Watch out, Othello.
Greg: It'll be different when you get your armband on.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, if I wrap it around a baseball bat.

Mrs. Milone: Chris, your job begins the moment the bell rings.
Chris: I know, and I'm supposed to keep things orderly. If anyone breaks a rule, I'm supposed to issue a citation.
Mrs. Milone: The first citation is considered a warning. The second is detention, The third is suspension.
Chris: And most importantly, after that second bell rings, any student out in the hall has to have a hall pass.
Mrs. Milone: Correct. Here is your citation book and your armband. Good luck.
Chris: Now, what if I give someone a citation but they don't want to take it?
Mrs. Milone: Issue them a citation.
Chris: But if they didn't take the first citation, why would they take the second?
Mrs. Milone: If you get a citation for not taking citation, that's another citation and that's an automatic suspension.
Chris: But what if?
Mrs. Milone: If you have any more questions, pretend I'm still here and I said, "Issue a citation."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd like to issue a citation upside her head.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tonya tried playing with me and Drew, but we would never cooperate.
Tonya: Mama.
Rochelle: What?
Tonya: Chris and Drew won't play right.
[flashback to Chris and Drew watching a kung fu film:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This is how we played dolls.
Tonya: Hey, anybody want to play dolls with me?
Chris: Sure. [holding a doll] I know your style, Bed-Stuy Dragon Fist.
Drew: [holding a doll] I know your style, Park Slope Flying Tiger. [they imitate kung fu combat]
Tonya: It's not funny. Stop. Give it.
[flashback to the kids on the street:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This is how we played hopscotch.
Tonya: Go, fish.
[Drew tackles Chris as he makes his way across the grid]
Tonya: Y'all stop! Ma!
[flashback:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And this is how we played jump rope.
[As Drew and Chris swing the ropes, they start flinging them at each other]
Chris: You play too much. Come on.
Drew: No, you're the one messing up.
Chris: I'm not doing nothing.
[Drew and Chris start fighting]
Tonya: Stop! Ma!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] So, for the first time in her life, Tonya had friends.
Tonya: A lot of people don't know this, but Billy Ocean invented the moonwalk.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And it almost killed her.
Tonya: And his real name is Leslie Charles. Did you know in Africa and Europe, they changed the lyrics to "African" and "European Queen"?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And in Puerto Rico, they changed it to "Drama Queen."

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Later on, my father had evacuated to avoid Hurricane Rochelle.
Rochelle: Man, you will not believe what that wench did today. Julius?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Unfortunately for my dad, my mother need to talk.
Rochelle: [checks the living room] Julius?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And she need to talk to him.
Rochelle: [checks the bathroom] Julius?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She was like a bloodhound looking for a prisoner.
Rochelle: [checks Tonya's bedroom] Julius?
Julius: Huh?
Rochelle: What are you doing in here?
Julius: Oh, I was making the bed and then I feel asleep.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Liar.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] With that citation book and an armband, I had the power to run this joint.
Chris: Hey, you, where's your hall pass?
Greg: Oh, hey, man, you had me worried there for a minute.
Chris: Greg, where's your hall pass?
Greg: Funny, man.
Chris: I'm not joking.
Greg: You're writing me up?
Chris: It's my job.
Greg: Nice work.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The citation doesn't seem like a big deal, but it kept Greg from getting a job with the FBI.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought I had just done my job, but Greg thought I had done a job on him.
Chris: Greg. So what are you doing for lunch tomorrow?
Greg: Staying out of the hallways, that's what I'm doing.
Chris: Listen, I was just doing my job.
Greg: I was using the bathroom. You could have used your discretion.
Chris: Listen, I didn't want people to think that I am soft on you because you were my friend.
Greg: You don't have to worry about that anymore. Half the school thinks you're crazy. You're like a dog with citation rabies. We're all scared of you.
Chris: Well, it's better than when people weren't scared of me. Even Caruso's leaving me alone.
Greg: I used to respect you. Even though you got picked on, made fun of and left out, at least you knew who you were.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, I was the kid who got picked on, made fun of and left out.
Chris: Greg.
Greg: I'm eating lunch by myself.

Ms. Morello: Chris. Can I speak to you for a moment?
Chris: Mmm. Yeah.
Ms. Morello: So, Chris, I hear our newest hall monitor is making a big impression.
Chris: Thanks.
Ms. Morello: Chris, we're friends, right?
Chris: Yeah.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No.

Julius: I was just making a suggestion.
Rochelle: Do you think I stayed married for 14 years because I need suggestions? If I needed suggestions, I'll get a suggestion box. I need for somebody to listen to me. I'm telling you, if Charmaine says one more thing to me I'm going to strangle her.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He knows exactly how she feels right now.
Julius: So, you just want me to listen to you?
Rochelle: Yes, baby. I need to know that you're on my side.