Rochelle: Fine. Okay, then. Have your little stinky day off. But on your birthday I will promise you this. You will be getting a cake, and you will like it.
Julius: I know. [leans into kiss Rochelle]
Rochelle: You better jump back and kiss yourself. And, uh, put up the groceries. Before your day off.

Chris: How much does it cost?
Doc: $24.95.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He just made that up.
Chris: I'll take it.

Tonya: Well, can we still get him a present?
Rochelle: Sure, baby. What'd you have in mind?
Tonya: These. See, I took Daddy's old slippers and put macaroni on them.
Rochelle: Oh, baby, that's nice. I'm gonna help you wrap them later.

Drew: Can you help me wrap mine, too? I'm making Dad cologne.
Rochelle: Oh, where did you learn how to make cologne?
Drew: I saw it in the back of a magazine. All I need is oil, something to give it a little smell and, uh, alcohol. Then just leave it in a jar for a week.

Tonya: Mama, since Daddy wants to be by himself, what are we gonna do?
Rochelle: We are gonna have some fun. [shouts] Chris! Time to eat!

Chris: Hey, Dad, what's all that stuff?
Julius: It's a bunch of stuff guys on my route got me for Father's Day. Oh, look at this. It's an LCD quartz calculator alarm watch. It's the best gift I ever got.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Maybe I could glue some macaroni to his shoes.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only thing tougher than finding a gift for the man that has everything is finding one for the man that wants nothing. The only time my father wore a suit was at funerals, graduations, and on laundry day. The closest my father got to jewelry was listening to Neil Diamond. I hope it lasts as long as the payments. I wasn't sure if he would feed the rabbit, or use the rabbit to feed us. And let's just say he wasn't the leg warmer type.

Risky: Man, how much you got to spend?
Chris: $37.
Risky: $37? What you do, knock over a liquor store?
Chris: I saved up.
Risky: Man, you keep saving up like that, you'll be rich in a minute.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Maybe then I can buy one of those pink sweaters, like him.

Risky: Your old man like music?
Chris: Who's that?
Risky: We got John Travolta, William Shatner. Liberace.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's for fathers that were too old for Elton John.

Chris: No, thanks. What else you got?
Risky: [holds a pair of women's shoes] How about these for your mom?
Chris: For Father's Day?
Risky: Yeah. For him to give to her.
Chris: No.
Risky: I'm sorry I can't help you out, young blood, but, hey, you come back Mother's Day... I'll hook you up. Listen, why don't you watch this for a few minutes? I'm gonna run across the street, pay my light bill. All right?
Chris: Sure.
Risky: Tell your daddy to call me and happy Father's Day.