Norm: Sammy, where you been, man?
Sam: Picking china patterns. This may have been the stupidest morning of my life.
Diane: Oh, Sam, don't forget. Tomorrow we register for flatware.
Sam: The second stupidest.

Sam: She's making me nuts with this wedding stuff.
Carla: So, ditch her.
Sam: You know, if I had my way, I would find the nearest justice of the peace and, and tie the knot. You know, that's not such a bad idea.
Carla: Right. Or you could ditch her.
Sam: Don't you have traffic school, or something?
Carla: Nuts! Now I'm gonna be late! Well, I guess I can make it if I run all the yellows.

Diane: I've got Penelope from the bridal registry on the line, and we're going back over the linen choices. Now, for the fingertip towels in the guest bath, do we want monogrammed, or is that too ootsie?
Sam: The second thing you said.
Diane: I agree. Of course a simple initial can be elegant. Oh, I think you'd better look at the picture. I need a man's opinion.
Sam: Frasier, help Diane, will you please?
Diane: Sam, these will be our fingertip towels for the rest of our lives. [exits]
Sam: We'd better get married quick, or I'm gonna kill her.

Cliff: All right, all right, that's it. Bachelor party here tonight.
Norm: What are you talking about?
Cliff: Well, didn't you hear the man? Uh, they might be eloping. And I'm not gonna be, uh, done out of my right as best man to, uh, throw him the best wingding of the century. All right now, so what're we gonna have?
Frasier: Just a second here, Cliff. Uh, Sam asked you to be his best man?
Cliff: Well, not in so many words, but, uh, you know, who's closest?

Cliff: Well, look, I think we better throw the greatest bachelor party for the greatest bachelor who ever lived.
Frasier: Tell you what. I'll pick up some deli platters and some champagne, and you guys can just reimburse me, you know, at your leisure, all right?
Cliff: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Norm: Okay, we got the food and the drink taken care of. Now we need a little bit of entertainment. Who's gonna...?
Cliff: Well, I- I think tradition calls for, uh, what about a stag film, huh?
Frasier: Yeah, yeah.
Cliff: Yeah, I think there's a place on my route that might sell them. Uh, the, uh, Hot and Nasty Video Boutique.
Norm: Yeah, I think there might be one or two laying around there.

Norm: Okay, we got the food, drink, entertainment. Now all we need is a, uh, a girl jumping out of the cake. [general agreement]
Woody: Oh, yeah, I've seen them do that in the movies all the time. That seems like a waste of good cake to me.
Frasier: You see, Woody, the cake is really immaterial. It's the girl who's the actual dessert.
Norm: Right.
Woody: Well, then I think it should be Miss Chambers.
Frasier: Ooh.
Norm: Aw, come on.
Cliff: Ee-i-ee-i-oh! Hey, listen, tractor-boy you know, no guy wants his fiance jumping out of a cake. It's... I mean, it's like taking your mother to the prom. [chuckling] Or so I'm told.

Diane: Oh, Sam, stop being such a grumble-bunny. Just grit your teeth and pick out a dust ruffle.

Woody: Excuse me, Miss Chambers?
Diane: Yes, Woody?
Woody: Uh... Uh, would you like to jump out of Sam's bachelor party cake?
Diane: Woody, I abhor such juvenile, sexist male rituals.
Woody: Yeah, but would you do it? [off Diane's look] Just checking. All right, guys, you're right. We're going to have to find some other beautiful girl to be Sam's dessert.
Diane: Wait a minute. [laughs] l, I just realized why you want me, the bride-to-be, to jump from the cake. It's a wonderful irony. [laughs] Oh. Of course I'll do it. Of course.
Woody: Oh, great.
Diane: Imagine me, of all people, missing the point of a joke. [laughs]
Woody: Hey, don't worry about it, Miss Chambers. It even happens to me.

Norm: Sammy, uh, what time you got there, man?
Sam: 11:15.
Norm: 11:15? How did it get so late so early? I'd better be getting home to, uh, Vera.
Cliff: [yawning] Oh, yeah. [everybody talking and yawning]
Frasier: Yeah, you know what they say: "An early bird catches the obsessive-compulsive." [laughter]
Alan: 'Night, Sam.
Norm: Oh, boy! [all exit]

Sam: They sure took off in a hurry, didn't they?
Woody: Yeah, but that doesn't seem suspicious to you, does it?
Sam: No, I... I guess not.
Woody: Oh, hey, I have an idea. You go in the back and total these receipts, and we'll get out of here.
Sam: Okay. All right. Say, Woody, when I come back out here, there's not going to be a surprise for me, is there? A surprise party, maybe?
Woody: No.
Sam: You're not lying, are you?
Woody: Sam, you'd know if I was lying. I'd... I'd tell you.