Diane: We did. Thank you for a wonderful afternoon.
Sam: Yeah, right. My heart's still pounding.
Diane: Sam. [kisses him]
Carla: Yuck.
Diane: Carla, if you have something to say, come right out and say it.
Carla: All right. Yeuch!
Diane: What is your problem?
Carla: Look, everyone knows there is no bigger romantic than Carla Tortelli.
Diane: Mmm.
Carla: But if you two are going to do stuff like that, at least have the decency to do it out by the garbage.

Diane: Where were you going with him?
Sam: Oh, where am l? Last thing I remember, I was standing behind the bar. I must have blacked out. Coach, I'm having blackouts.
Coach: Kind of a nice break in the day, isn't it?

Dave: Sam, what gives?
Sam: Uh, Dave, there's no way I'm going to make it to the aquarium with you today. I'm sorry.
Diane: I know where you were going. You were going trollop hunting.
Dave: That sounds like fun. Can you do that with women?

Carla: What a sleazy, egotistical, greasy, rotten sewer rat.
Sam: You're right.
Carla: I think I'm in love.

Sam: Diane, I'm glad that jerk came by today. It's moments like that that make me realize what a good thing we got going here.
Diane: Why do you still have that thing?
Sam: What's that, babe?
Diane: The book. Why are you keeping it?
Sam: Sweetheart, this is my address book. I've got emergency numbers in this.
Diane: What emergency service does Wanda Mendelsohn render?
Sam: She's an all-night plumber.
Carla: She's the only plumber in Boston you have to go to her house.

Carla: Oh, Sam, got a minute?
Sam: Yeah, Carla?
Carla: Listen, I just wanted to congratulate you on your recent falling-out with Miss chicken-parts. I suggest you take this opportunity to make it permanent.
Sam: You know, Carla, whenever we fight, you just love to gloat.
Carla: No, Sam. As a matter of fact, I feel a little sad about this one.
Sam: Why?
Carla: I wasn't the cause of it.

Diane: Coach, is Sam in yet?
Coach: No, he's not here.
Carla: What's a matter, you feel a case of the nags coming on?
Diane: I deserve that. No, actually, I wanted to apologize to him. I made too big a deal of that address book. [Coach nods] But he was being insensitive himself. [Coach nods] I guess I should learn to control myself, huh? [Coach nods] But I still think Sam was wrong.
Coach: [picks up the phone] Cheers.
Carla: Coach, that ringing is in your head.
Coach: Oh, I'm sorry.
Diane: Coach, I don't blame you for being confused. My relationship with Sam is making me a little crazy.
Carla: Oh. And you used to be so together.

Diane: Ooh, the big guy's chair, huh? Tell me. Tell me.
Sam: Diane, last night, I took a beautiful woman back to my place. She was ready, willing and able, you know what I mean, and so was l. We were right in the sack, and then all of a sudden - get this - I stopped, I thought about you, I thought about how much you mean to me, and I said, "Didi, l can't do this. I got a chick." [laughs] What do you think about that, huh? [Diane stands up and spits at Sam] Well, I was expecting a hug or a kiss, but this is more personal, I guess.
Diane: [voice cracking] How could you?
Sam: Hey, Diane, this is good news!
Diane: Oh, this is good news? You go to bed with another woman and this is good news?
Sam: You're not getting the big picture here. This is the first time I said no. And she was gorgeous. There's not a man in the world would say no to her. Not many women either, I'll tell you that. Besides, at that point, you and I were as good as broken up.
Diane: The only thing as good as broken up is being broken up. And we are.
Sam: Oh, come on. Don't you see what this means, here?
Diane: [sees Dave] Damn it!

Dave: Hey, you two, your 24 hours is about up. Do I sense tension in this room?
Sam: You know, that was a really crumby thing you did, pushing Didi on me like that. If Diane and I didn't have such a... such a good thing going here that might have split us up.
Dave: Oh, come on. You two? Good thing going? I get along better with my wife and we've exchanged gunfire.
Diane: David, you'll be very happy to hear that Sam and-
Sam: Wait! Now, whatever Dave hears, he'll hear from me. I made a mistake last night, Dave. I almost made a mistake. Now, I've admitted this to Diane and now I'm telling her that I'm finally convinced. I mean, I'm crazy about this woman. She is the best thing going and I care about no one else. I'm not going to let anything come between us.
Diane: Oh, Sam.
Dave: Oh, puke.
Sam: Dave, you're just going to have to find someone else to waste your evenings with cos I'm gonna be wasting mine with this little filly right here.
Diane: Oh, Sam.

Dave: Well, I know when I'm beat.
Sam: Hey, wait a second, here. I want you to watch me kiss my woman here. You might learn something.
Diane: Oh, that's great, Sam. Yeah, Didi said you were the best kisser she ever had.
Sam: Really? [Diane bites Sam's lip as they kiss]