Diane: The level of conversation in this bar could not sink lower.
Dave: [enters] Hiya, wonder-buns.
Diane: Going down.

Dave: Hi, sports fans.
Norm: Dave, what was that you said at the end of your sports report last night?
Dave: Oh, I said, "Good night and remember... the world is full of winners and losers. Here's hoping you're one of them."
Norm: Oh, I guess I did hear it right.

Dave: Hey, Sam, I was just wondering, how about you and me giving the females of Boston ten minutes head start, then go round them up like old days?
Sam: Boy, we did have fun, didn't we? We were pretty good.
Dave: I was wondering on the way over here. What was the best night we ever had?
Sam: Oh, that's tough. I think I'd have to say July 4th, Chicago.
Norm: Yankee Doodle?
Dave: Oh, I was thinking about Minneapolis.
Sam: Minneapolis. Now, Minneapolis was great. But that was quantity. I'm talking quality.
Norm: You guys, was there ever a night when there was both quantity and quality?
Sam & Dave: Vegas!
Dave: What are we waiting for, Sam?
Sam: Nothing. Don't wait up for us.
Dave: Females of Boston, stop dreaming. It's on its way.
Sam: [to Diane as he exits] See you later, sweetheart. [turns back] You take care, Dave. Don't you be a stranger now. Don't you be a stranger. [to Diane] Did you get a chance to say hi to Dave? Good old guy.

Dave: Sam, you're not going to tell me that you and human brain here have got something going, are you?
Sam: Well, kind of, yeah. Definitely. I mean, totally.
Diane: Very romantic phrasing.

Dave: Boy, you must be one hot honey.
Sam: Hey, hey, whoa. Take it easy here. Listen, it just so happens we've got a good thing going here and I'm very proud of it.
Diane: And speaking of things going, why don't you, Dave?
Sam: Yeah, maybe you ought to Dave. I'll talk to you later.
Dave: OK. I'll come back when you've split up. I've got about an hour to kill.
Sam: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen, I'm telling you, this is going to work out.
Dave: Hey, Sam, who are you talking to here? You were a worse hound than me. Which makes you the worst hound there ever was.
Diane: David, that has all changed now.
Dave: Some things never change. You cannot give an old leopard new stripes.
Diane: Why are we talking to this person?
Dave: Hey, look, I don't have have anything against you. I just want my old buddy back. I say I can break you two up. This time tomorrow, Sam and I will be out scouting those el feminitos.
Sam: Well, you're wrong. There's no way. You're way out of line here.
Dave: 24 hours, you two are bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Sam: Do you believe that? I mean, that's ridiculous.
Diane: Sam, he can give us 24 hours, 24 days, 24 years. We have transcended time.
Sam: Right, right, but right now the important thing is the next 24 hours. Now, just to be on the safe side here, why don't we even get into a heated discussion today.
Diane: Sure. That's easy.
Sam: Oh, good. I hope so. The truth is, we have never gone 24 hours without a fight.
Diane: We most certainly have.
Sam: No, we haven't.
Diane: Sam Malone!
Sam: No, you're right. The important thing here now is just no arguing, no fighting, no break-up.
Diane: I couldn't agree more. [they shake hands]

Dave: Oh, Sam. Hey, listen, seeing as you're going to be out of commission, or so you say, you think you could give me the number of that Lydia chick you used to keep for yourself?
Sam: You're impossible, you know that?
Norm: Cliff! The book! [Cliff gasps]
Dave: This still her number?
Sam: Come on, come on, come on, man. You're smudging Judy Wilson's number there.

Diane: Sam, you have not answered my question. Why are you holding onto the phone numbers of other women?
Sam: I'm not holding onto it. I just haven't gotten around to getting rid of it.
Diane: Fine. Then you won't mind if I help you with that. Cliff. [hands it to Cliff]
Norm: Cliff, you touched it!
Cliff: I can see! Normie, I can walk!
Norm: He's walking!
Cliff: Hallelujah!
Norm: Cliff's walking! He's walking!

Sam: Well, I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something that's not making progress around here, and that's you and me.
Diane: We can change that in an instance.
Sam: Whatever. I'm keeping that book.
Diane: And you know where you can keep it? [Dave sticks his head in the bar]
Sam: Bup-bup
Diane: Right straight under the pillow you dream on, big guy.

Sam: Tell you what I'm going to do. As a gesture, to put all this behind us, I'm going to take this book of mine-
Diane: Oh, I see. I see. You're going to patch it up now so you don't lose face with your buddy Dave.
Sam: No, no, forget about Dave. I'm concerned about us right now. I'm going to take this book, which represents my past, you understand? And I'm gonna rip up X through Z and all but one of Q.
Diane: You just don't understand, do you? I don't think there's anymore to say.
[After Diane leaves, Sam grabs the Scotch tape and tries to stick the torn-up pages back together]