‘Manager Coach’
Season 2, Episode 8 - Aired November 24, 1983
Coach shows a different side to his personality when he is made manager of a Little League team.
Quote from Sam
Diane: Sam, this is serious. Everybody knows that there can be a lot of pressure in children's baseball. The parents take it very seriously. Oh, I'm afraid they'll take somebody as gentle and guileless as the Coach and eat him alive.
Sam: You're kidding me. He's been in the big leagues. This is not gonna be pressure for him.
Diane: No, no. Wait a minute. He was working for somebody else. He was never the boss. I'm telling you, I can't get rid of this feeling something's wrong.
Sam: Hey, Diane, you can have your feelings, but this is... This is guy's stuff. I mean, there's a male bond that happens between men that women just don't understand. Hey, sweetheart. Sweetheart. This is part of me that is private and you're gonna have to stay away from. So hands off, no trespassing, end of discussion. Really.
Diane: Very well. And from now on, there's a part of me that's hands off to you.
Sam: Just my luck, it'll be one of the parts I care about.
Quote from Coach
Coach: Let me introduce my boys to you. This is Peewee, Moose, Juice, Goose, The Tank, The Chancellor, The Bull, The Cannonball Express, Specs, and Dynamic Duo.
Sam: So, what have you guys been working on so far, Coach?
Coach: Nicknames. But the party's over now, Sam, and we start busting some butts. I'll have these guys in shape within the week.
Quote from Coach
Diane: Oh, isn't that the way with children? Delightful melding of their innocence and your wisdom. Yes, we teach them, but they leave their impression on us. [a bespectacled boy grabs Dianne's rear] Whoa! Deviant.
Coach: Forget that, Diane. I can handle this. I got a way of communicating with kids. All right, everybody file out, except you, Specs. Let's go. Move it, move it.
Diane: [to Sam] Okay, okay, maybe this thing will be a good experience for him, huh? Yeah, he's standing a little taller, there's a light in his eye. He's like a whole new person.
Coach: Specs, you get only one chance to make a mistake on this team. Go home and tell your mother you're a flop.
Diane: A whole new person I dislike intensely.
Sam: Hey, Coach, you're gonna kick him off the team just for that one little incident?
Coach: Not that's not the only reason. He's leading the league in errors. The only thing he's had his hands on all week is Diane's keister.
Quote from Cliff
[As Norm and Cliff make baby noises over Carla's crib, she comes out of the back carrying the baby]
Carla: Who the hell are you guys talking to?
Norm: We've been talking stupid to a duck.
Cliff: Well, we kept it quiet.
Quote from Diane
Carla: She's hungry. Well, here's dinner.
Cliff: Whoa, Carla, it makes us a little uncomfortable.
Carla: OK, OK. I'll go in Sam's office.
Cliff: Thank you.
Paul: Whatever happened to modesty?
Norm: Who'd wanna look at something like that?
Andy: You guys seen Miss June?
Norm: What have we got here?
Diane: Oh, dear. Norm's in season again.
Quote from Sam
Sam: They have not lost since Coach took over.
Diane: Coach has lost his sweet disposition. He's turned into a tyrant.
Sam: Yeah, but he's winning, Diane. And winning's the important thing here.
Diane: Well, I don't think winning is the most important thing here.
Sam: Well, good, then you won't mind losing this argument.
Diane: Over my dead body.
Sam: Hey, don't bring last night into this.
Diane: That's exactly what it was. Your last night.
Quote from Norm
Sam: Coach is just being dedicated, that's all.
Cliff: Yeah, I never thought I'd say this about another man, but Coach may have the attributes to be a good postal carrier. Dedication, intensity and single-mindedness.
Norm: Yeah, the inability to recognize the word "fragile".
Quote from Coach
Coach: I can stand physical errors but not mental errors. After this one, somebody has to go.
Carla: What happened, Coach? You lost?
Coach: No, we won, but by only one run. What's the point in winning if you can't humiliate the other team? You've got to intimidate them, Carla! Crush 'em. Crush 'em, Carla. Crush 'em!
Quote from Diane
Diane: I am going to talk to Coach.
Sam: Come on. Leave him alone.
Diane: He's obsessing. I know the signs. I had a small obsession until I got some help.
Sam: You did?
Diane: I was obsessive compulsive about neatness. I demanded everything be in its proper place. But now look at the laissez faire attitude I have about my apron, huh? Now, in the old days, I would have insisted that it be pencil, pen, pencil, pen, pad. Well, now it doesn't matter if it's pen, pencil, pen, pencil, pad or pencil, pencil, pen, pen, pad. Or even pencil, pen, pad, pencil, pen. There's one thing I can't have and that's this. Pad, pen, pen, pencil, pencil. That's just irritating.
Quote from Diane
Sam: Maybe we both ought to go in.
Diane: Let me do the talking.
Sam: You won't know I'm there.
Diane: Much like last night.