Kelly: Oh, Woody, I kind of wish I didn't have to go all the way to Europe right now, what with us getting so close and everything, but Daddy really wants me to go, and you know how he is.
Woody: Do I ever.
Kelly: What's that supposed to mean?
Woody: Nothing. I just know how he is.
Kelly: What do you mean by "is"?
Woody: Well, he can be sort of... [chuckles] You know.
Kelly: What do you mean by "you know"?
Woody: Same thing as "is."
Kelly: Hey. Are you putting down Daddy?
Woody: I'm not putting down Daddy.
Kelly: Don't call him Daddy. He's not your daddy. He's my daddy.
Woody: Well, it's a good thing because my daddy doesn't treat me like a baby.

Rebecca: Excuse me. I'll handle this. Woody, listen to me. I once was deeply in love with a boy that my parents did not approve of, and I thought about eloping. But fortunately I came to my senses. I mean, can you imagine what would have happened to me if I had married him?
Woody: Yeah. Maybe you'd be happy now instead of whining and being dumped on your whole life.
Rebecca: Go get her, Woody.

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
Carla: Norm!
Norm: Guess I drove everyone else home, huh?
Carla: That's right. You know, Norm? I'm proud of you. I rode you pretty hard for cheating, but you really came through.
Norm: Well, thank you. Now can I have a beer?
Carla: Nope. We're closed. [pours the beer away]
Norm: All right. I guess I deserved that, cheating the way I did.

Norm: Tonight actually turned out to be a rewarding experience.
Carla: What are you telling me, you liked carting those guys all over town?
Norm: No. I didn't cart them all over town. I just dropped them all off at your place.
Carla: Great. I finally get my kids to stop rolling drunks, and now you have to go and put temptation in their path. I am telling you, it is impossible to raise a family in the nineties. [exits]
Norm: OK. Something cold and German perhaps?

Kelly: It's not right for you to be here. You shouldn't even be seeing me like this. I'm not decent.
Woody: It's all right, Kelly. I didn't look. Yeah, I did, Sam. Kelly, I want to say something. [gets down on one knee] I'm not gonna just stand still while you run off to Europe. I love you, Kelly, and I want to make you Mrs. Woodrow Tiberius Boyd.
Kelly: Tiberius?
Woody: Susan!
Sam: Hey, hey, hey, whoa. Kids, kids, calm down. Why is everybody making such a big fuss about their middle name?
Woody: What's yours, Sam?
Sam: Hey, shut up.

Mr. Gaines: Aw... So my little Kellybell is leaving me.
Kelly: Leaving you? Why do you say that, Daddy? I'm not going away.
Mr. Gaines: Well, you're going off to Europe.
Kelly: Oh, there. Yeah, well, I don't think of that as away.
Mr. Gaines: Look at you now... All grown up and beautiful. I can't help but think of a little towheaded butterball taking her first steps. Now I'm sending you off to see the world. And... if, when you come back, you still want to be with Woody, that'll be fine with me, because I'll know you're making a grown-up decision. But no matter how grown up you get, you'll always be my only Kelly, and I'll always be your only daddy till the day I die. Sweet dreams, sweetheart. [exits]
Kelly: OK, Woody! Let's go! Woody.
Woody: [sobs] I can't do it! No, he's your only daddy. I'm just some guy with a ladder.
Kelly: But, Woody, what about us?
Woody: I can't take away his little butter-headed towball. I think you should go to Europe.
Kelly: Are you sure, Woody?
Woody: As sure as corn chiggers in August.

Cliff: So, uh, Woodwork, why the sudden jump on the old bullet train to Commitmentville, huh?
Woody: Well, uh, Kelly's leaving tomorrow. Her dad's sending her to Europe to study for a year. I want to give her this ring so she won't forget me. A whole year. I'm gonna be one lost and lonely soul. [chuckles] Bullet train to Commitmentville. You crack me up, Mr. Clavin.
Cliff: Thank you, Woody.

Woody: I can't believe it's over. I can't believe she's leaving me.
Sam: Oh, come on. What are you talking like that for? You're gonna give up after one little spat?
Woody: What else can I do?
Sam: Well, you can run to her, hold her in your arms, and tell her that you love her. Come on, man.
Woody: That's a great idea.
Sam: Yeah.
Woody: Yeah. That's exactly what I'm gonna do. See you guys later.
Frasier: Where are you going, Wood?
Woody: Sam wants me to elope.
Sam: No!

Sam: Wait, Woody, I didn't say anything about eloping. I didn't mean that. I just meant you should go over to her place and maybe make out a little bit.
Woody: Well, yeah, and to do that, we got to get married, right?
Sam: Kids today.

Woody: Oh, hey, Sam, would you come with me? I mean, you're kind of like a big brother to me, and I don't think I could take a big step like this without you there to support me.
Sam: Oh, well, thanks, Woody. I'm very touched.
Woody: I need someone strong to hold the ladder.
Sam: Thanks, Woody. I'm very touched.