Sam: So when are you going in? It's tomorrow.
Cliff: Now, look, I want you guys to promise me, you know, if I don't pull through this thing, you know, there'll be no big, emotional scenes, no eulogies, just a small memorial service where you guys sit around and tell the funniest stories about me.
Norm: Okay, I got dibs on this one.

Frasier: Great news, everybody! Lilith and I have just gotten back from the auto club.
Lilith: We have the complete itinerary for our motoring trip through the U.S.A. in our Chevrolet.
Frasier: It's a Mercedes, dear.
Lilith: That was a joke, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, I forgot I married a madcap.

Cliff: Hey, listen, folks, nobody's really interested about your little motor trip. We're talking about my upcoming surgery. So, now, where was l?
Carla: So you gonna see the Grand Canyon?
Norm: Yeah, don't miss Yosemite.
Woody: Listen, if you've go to the alligator farm outside Tallahassee, tell lvar Woody says hey, hey.
Frasier: Of course. Okay, gather around everybody. I'll show you the interstates we're gonna take.

Cliff: Well, I've got to be moseying on, you guys. I'll, you know, see you later. I'm going under the knife in about 12 hours or so. Yeah, look, don't feel that you have to go out of your way to stop by, you know, and visit, New England Presbyterian, Room one niner four, visiting hours between 11 and 9.

Norm: Cliffie, I'm sure everything is going to be just okay.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, well, no, sure, there's no... You know, I'm in the hands of skilled professionals. It's not like the old days, is it, you know, where they give you a shot of whiskey, lick the scalpel and they go a-carving, huh?
Frasier: You know, the same is true in my profession. Time was when a person's behavior deviated in any way from what society considered normal, the town barber would take a rusty drill, bore a hole in your head, and let the evil spirits out. Well, it's a good thing we didn't live back then, huh?
Carla: Yeah, you'd be looking pretty much like a whiffle ball by now, wouldn't ya?

Hugh: I don't believe you guys. That's it. I'm leaving.
Alan: Come on.
Norm: Fine! Fine! Who needs your kind around here anyway?
Rebecca: Gentlemen! Now I think that this bar is big enough for people who like The Addams Family and The Munsters.
Norm: Okay, all right, fine. I'll take back what I said about Cousin It.
Hugh: That's okay, it was in the heat of the moment.
Rebecca: All right.

Rebecca: Let me see that. [gasps] This is a decent picture of me. Look at that! I'm gorgeous and sexy.
Carla: And dead as a doornail.
Rebecca: What?
Carla: You're in the obituaries.
Rebecca: Oh, God!
Sam: No, don't feel bad, it says you died in bed.
Woody: I didn't know you helped build the Panama Canal.
Rebecca: Woody, that is someone else's obituary. I am not dead. I am a living, breathing human being.
Woody: I know that. So where'd they put all the dirt, anyway?

Rebecca: Let me see these. Oh, they're from corporate headquarters. Did we do well last month? "Dear friends at Cheers, we mourn the loss of Rebecca Howe. At last her pain is over." I'm going to call them up, straighten this out before they start making funeral arrangements.
Carla: If I were you, I'd have a closed casket.

Norm: Yeah, well, why Grandpa Munster never won an Emmy, I'll never know.
Hugh: Come on, maybe it's because he stole his whole character from Uncle Fester.
Frasier: Oh, Lord, is this still going on?! This has got to be one of the stupidest arguments I've ever heard since I started coming to this bar.
Pete: Hey, we resent that.
Norm: Yeah, why wasn't it the stupidest?
Frasier: Well, frankly, it lacks meaningless statistics and inane historical trivia. Say, where is Cliff anyway?

Sam: Well, l, you know, I was gonna go see him, but I got to wait until I have a night off here. Woody? How about you?
Woody: Oh, that's what this string on my finger is for. What the heck is this one for?