Woody: I think we ought to go down there right now and tell Mr. Clavin how we feel about him.
Carla: Don't you think that would be a little cruel? I mean, the guy just had an operation.

Frasier: Hey, wait a minute. Cliff's at New England Presbyterian. That's on my rounds. I have to go by there tonight. I can get in to see him.
Norm: Well, great, why don't you go buy a card and date it yesterday, sign all our names to it, okay? Slam dunk.
Sam: Is that going to be enough?
Carla: Come on, it's just an appendectomy. They're taking out a useless organ. He's chock-full of those.

Frasier: Don't you want to read the card?
Cliff: l, uh, just forgot my jacket.
Frasier: Well, you're going to hear it anyway, Cliff. "Glad you're feeling better. So sorry you were ill. If you thought things were bad before, wait till you get the bill." [laughs] Oh, that zesty greeting card humor, huh?

Cliff: You want to help? Well, uh, maybe you can help with this. l, uh, I been doing some soul searching here. A man gets a lot of time to think with a tube up his nose, and... What I... What I realized is that, uh, I'm alone in this world. I mean, uh, nobody came to visit me. Not one of my so-called friends out there even bothered to walk through that door.
Frasier: Look, and they all feel terrible about it, Cliff. They lead busy lives. They just couldn't find the time.
Cliff: Come on, Doc, cut the malarkey, will you? They found the time to visit Sammy when he was in the hospital. And Carla when she had the twins. Normie, when he went in for the butt tuck... I know why they didn't visit. It's because it was me.
Frasier: No, Cliff.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, come on, Doc. They don't like me, they don't really care. Come on, you can tell me the truth. Go ahead, right between the eyes, give it to me.
Frasier: Well, I suppose you're not the most popular person in the bar.
Cliff: Oh, and you are, huh? Doc, you suppose comments like that are part of the problem?
Frasier: Could be.
Cliff: God, I don't believe it. I mean, all these years, and I never realized it. [chuckling softly] Could I really be that insensitive?
[An elederly patient groans as Cliff sits down on his bed]
Frasier: Cliff.
Cliff: Oh, God, I am insensitive. Hey, sorry there, old timer.

Cliff: What can I do about it?
Frasier: A little therapy might not be amiss.
Cliff: Oh, no, Doc, isn't there something better than therapy? I mean, you know, something a little quicker; you know, a little easier.
Frasier: We're talking about a major personality change, Cliff. It's not like you're trying to quit smoking. We can't give you an electric shock every time you reach for a cigarette.
Cliff: Hey, hey, hey, yeah, that's not a bad idea.
Frasier: Now, now, now, just calm down. Look, maybe I'm overstating the problem. Maybe all you need to get people to like you a little better is just some good, old-fashioned politeness. Maybe you don't need to take any desperate measures.
Elderly man: Oh, yes, he does.

Frasier: So, you get ahold of him?
Norm: No, no, no, just get the darned answering machine all the time. I hate that message. It's not so much the content of the message as the fact that Cliff sings it to the tune of "Volare."

Lilith: Hey, come on. Come on, honey, let's hurry and have lunch. I'm anxious to take you for a spin.
Frasier: Certainly, my dear.
Sam: Yeah, lots of luck, Doc. You know, she's a menace. You know, you are a hazard to every driver and pedestrian on the road. I'll tell you something else. You know, you shouldn't be allowed to get anywhere near anything with wheels, because you are, by far, the worst, the most dangerous, the most maniacal driver I've ever seen.
Lilith: [to Frasier] I was fine.

Dave: Now, Cliff, let me remind you again, that it's extremely unorthodox to use shock aversion treatment outside the clinic. I make no guarantees.
Cliff: Hey, look, we covered all that. It's time to go for broke, all right?
Dave: Whatever you say; are your contacts in place?
Cliff: Yeah, here, better test it just to make sure.
Dave: Good idea. Say something obnoxious.
Cliff: What do you mean, obnoxious? I don't know what's obnoxious. You're the so-called expert. [grunting] Perfect.

Woody: Yeah, so how was the operation?
Carla: Yeah, yeah, how much did they shave?
Cliff: Ah, I don't want to bore you with stories about me. I'm more interested in, uh, what you guys have been up to. [the guys mumble as Dave gives Cliff a nod]
Norm: I don't know, uh... usual stuff, I guess.
Cliff: No, no, don't be shy; come on, share with me.
Woody: Sam's giving Dr. Sternin driving lessons.
Cliff: [snide chuckling] Should be giving her personality lessons. [chuckles, yelps] But, uh, who among us is perfect?

Sam: So, uh when are you getting back to the route?
Cliff: Well, the doc said an ordinary guy would be out for three weeks, but with my incredible physical stamina... [yelps softly] Three weeks.
Norm: Cliffie, uh are you okay? You know, the...
Cliff: Oh, yeah, uh, it's a little pain from the stitches.