Diane: You know, I just feel terrible about this. I guess she really did want some help with this child.
Coach: Yeah, she's barely getting by just the way it is.
Norm: Carla's probably never felt lonelier than she does at this moment. Got any more of those little yellow goldfish crackers?
Sam: We don't have any crackers that look like goldfish.
Norm: What did I just eat?

Diane: Oh, Sam, I just had a conversation with your date tonight. Bambi. She said she can't make it. She's had an accident.
Sam: You're kidding. What happened?
Diane: She fell off her shoes.
Sam: Gee, that's tough. That's tough. That leaves me only two hours to find another date.
Diane: Those are the breaks.

Sam: Not to worry. Not to worry.
Cliff: [gasps] The book!
Norm: Cliff, I swear, it just gave off a beam of light.
Diane: A little black book?
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: Didn't those go out with getting a girl drunk and seducing her?
Norm: That's out now?

Diane: Sam. Carla's late again.
Sam: Yeah, I know. I wonder why.
Diane: Sam, you know why. Why aren't any of us saying anything about Carla's problem?
Coach: Listen, Diane, I don't think we should be the ones to bring this up.
Sam: You know Carla, she's proud. Maybe she just wants to keep this one under her hat, that's all.
[Carla enters the bar with a very visible baby bump]
Coach: Maybe it's not even what we think it is.
Diane: Coach, what else could it be?
Coach: Gas?

Carla: Everyone? I'm pregnant.
Diane: What?
Cliff: No!
Diane: You're pregnant? Oh, Carla. Well, why didn't you say anything?
Carla: Well, you know, I've got a lot on my mind. I can't remember everything.
Diane: Sure. Busy girl.
Norm: Well, congratulations. Unless you don't want another kid.
Coach: Of course she wanted the kid, Norm.
Carla: Sure I do. What penniless, unmarried mother of four wouldn't?
Coach: See what I mean?

Sam: Don't worry about that. I'll give you a little bump-up in pay.
Carla: Thanks, Sam.
Diane: That's great. Carla gets a raise for getting pregnant. I wonder what I have to do to get a raise out of the boss.
Cliff: You could get a raise out of the boss.

Norm: Marshall?
Cliff: Carla made love to a PhD from MIT?
Coach: Look, guys, if you can't say it in front of me, don't say it at all.
Sam: No, Coach. Coach, Marshall is the father of Carla's child.
Coach: Oh. Marshall? I don't believe it, and I believe everything.

Marshall: So, how are you feeling, little mommy?
Carla: I'll make a deal with you. You don't call me "little mommy", and I don't put your tongue in the blender.

Coach: Diane, make the toast.
Diane: All right. To the baby. With Marshall as the father, it's sure to have brains. With Carla as the mother, it's sure to have need for them. I'm kidding. What I mean is, to the baby and its luck at having such wonderful parents.

Coach: Marshall, I didn't even know you and Carla were dating.
Marshall: Actually, Coach, we just dated the one time.
Coach: One time?
Diane: Just once?
Marshall: It's a funny thing, too, because Carla wouldn't give me a second look before that. Or since. But she sure was ready, willing and able that night. She was a woman possessed.
Diane: So the whole thing was her idea?
Marshall: Yes, I think you could say that. Not that I didn't enjoy myself, but I had no idea this would be the result. I was so surprised when she told me about it yesterday.
Diane: Would you excuse me, Marshall? I think I need to talk to Carla.