Narrator: Soon, Michael arrived, and Ice began his presentation.
Ice: When word got out that he was building houses for Saddam Hussein, he escaped to Mexico where, as you know, he was arrested and interred in a local prison. Until he was killed by this guard. Body was held for six days within the prison walls when-
Michael: I'm sorry. He- He killed a guard?
Ice: No, the guard killed him. He's dead. Buried in Mexico.
Lucille: [screams]
Michael: Uh, h-hold on. How do we know this is true?
Ice: Because I have here his dental records, his death certificate and a political cartoon from a leading Mexican publication. Okay, again, I'm a caterer so if you do have any family events- weddings, wakes- I'll leave my card.
Lucille: Is it true? Is he really gone? [pulls on Oscar's hair]
Oscar: Ow.
Lucille: Just checking.

Lindsay: These are his teeth. He had such perfect teeth. It was that Glisten.
Gob: He swore by that Glisten.
Lindsay: I can still hear him now. "Who left the cap off my [bleep] Glisten?" [sobs]

Lucille: It's all hitting me now. [sobs] This is really happening. All this awful funeral stuff! The will. We have to get the will. I don't know if enough time has passed. I don't know what I'm saying. Is it in your car, Barry? I'm gonna throw up! Check the car, Barry. I don't know what I'm saying!
Barry: The will is not here. The will is at my office, next to the hot plate with the frayed wires. I didn't, uh- It wasn't-
Narrator: In fact, Barry had lost George Sr.'s will.
Barry: How did I get here? Oh, my God, Lucille. He is gone!

Lindsay: We don't even have a body.
Gob: I will be my father's body. I'll be the one buried. Because he loved magic so very much.
Michael: I don't think Gob knows what he's saying.
Gob: I know exactly what I'm saying. I will be buried in my father's place and then, one week later, I will emerge from the grave in one of the greatest illusions ever!
Michael: This about getting into Poof?
Gob: I mean, how does that not get me a cover?

Lucille: [door rattles] Buster! We can't tell him about this!
Oscar: I think the boy's been lied to enough.
Lucille: You weren't here for the parakeet, Oscar.
Narrator: As a child, Buster had a beloved parakeet who, after landing on their housekeeper Rose's wig, flew away when she took out the trash and into a transformer. When Buster found out, he destroyed the family's kitchen, believing this to be where Rosa lived.

Buster: Hey, Brother. You wanted to see me?
Gob: Buster, yeah. I need you to help me with this illusion I'm working on.
Buster: Oh, for Dad's birthday.
Gob: Yeah. For Dad's birthday. So, look, I'm gonna get in this coffin. What I'm gonna need you to do is to spin it around to show everybody that there's no trap door. Then I'm gonna escape out the trap door.
Buster: Ooh!
Gob: You close the trap door bring in the pallbearers and bury an empty box.
Buster: So it's a hoax. But why are you doing a coffin trick on Dad's birthday?
Gob: Black humor. Say, "Hey, Dad, look at you. You're a year older... and a year closer to death."
Buster: Oh, yeah, I guess that's kinda funny.

Buster: Okay, but you have to do a favor for me. I'm not really in the army, and I told Mom I was, but I can't go to a family event without an army uniform.
Gob: Oh, yeah. I used to be a stripper.
Buster: Strippers don't wear clothes.
Gob: Not at the end of the show.
Buster: You mean you can wear stripper clothes when you're not stripping?
Gob: [rips his pants off] You tell me.

Narrator: George Michael snuck his grandfather into the attic and helped him clean up.
George Michael: Wow, they're perfect.
George Sr.: Years of brushing with Glisten.

George Sr.: Anyway, I was halfway down to Panama, and I saw something in the local paper.
Narrator: What he saw was a story about his wife giving mouth-to-mouth to a homeless man. But he knew the truth, she was kissing his brother.
George Michael: Well, I understand what that feels like. I was dumped today. And the bad part is I can't even tell Dad how upset I am about it because he'll think I should just be upset about you.
George Sr.: He wouldn't be wrong.
George Michael: What?
George Sr.: Seems like we're going through the same thing. Why don't we keep each other's secrets?
George Michael: Yeah, okay.
George Sr.: Listen, if you pass a mini-mart, Pop-Pop gets a treat?

Narrator: And the next morning, Michael ran into his son doing something suspicious.
Michael: Morning!
George Michael: Hi.
Michael: Where are you goin' with that food?
George Michael: I was just gonna eat some of my grandfather's favorite foods in my room. It's the form that my grief is taking.
Michael: Okay.