Sally: Wow. Albright's got such cool stuff. I wonder how come she never invites me over. [figurine snaps]
Tommy: Because you're a freakin' moose, that's why.
Harry: Hey, you guys gotta try this electric ear swab!

Sally: Okay, they're back. Pretend we just got here.
[After the door is knocked open, Don falls into the room]
Don: Ass right there, freezehole!
Sally: Don, what are you doing here?
Don: Albright's silent alarm went off.
Harry: Well, I didn't hear anything.
Don: We thought there might be a break-in.
Tommy: Well, no one's broken in since we broke in.
Don: You broke in?
Sally: What, do you think Albright gave us the key? [all chuckle]
Don: B-but breaking and entering, that's a crime.
All: Wow.
Don: You shouldn't be here! I should arrest you!
Sally: Oh, come on, Don. Can't you look the other way just this once?
Don: No, I'm afraid I can't, Sally. I- [giggles] Well, just this once. But you can't stay here!

Sally: Okay, you guys, you heard him. We gotta get outta here.
Harry: Whoa! Check out pay per view!
Tommy: Oh, what's on?
Harry: I don't know.
Sally: Sounds good.

Suzie: Hi. You must be Mary Albright.
Sally: Uh... yeah. Sure. Otherwise, I'd be this person who broke in and was hanging around, even though the police told me to leave, so...
Suzie: I'm Suzy Martin from Tupperware? So, Mary, today's your big party, huh?
Sally: My party?
Suzie: Yeah. I have all your display items out in the car. [to Harry] Well, say, you're a big fella. Want to give me a hand? And hey, Mary, remember, it's your party, and you can coast, or you can host. Let's go.
Harry: This is odd.
Sally: Tommy, do you know what this means?
Tommy: No, Mary. What?
Sally: I'm hosting my first party.

Mary: Wake up!
Dick: Oh, huh?
Mary: Dick did we...
Dick: Did we what?
Mary: You know.
Dick: I-I'm not sure.
Mary: I think we did!
Dick: You do?
Mary: I'm not sure.
Dick: Maybe we did! Hey, you know what this means?!
Mary: No!
Dick: We're back together! Just you and me, kid!
Mary: No.
Dick: We're an item!
Mary: [screams] No! Help! Somebody get me out of here!
Dick: Oh, we're back. We're back.

Mary: Let's just get out of here. Oh! Oh, mother of... pearl! [cries]
Dick: Don't lose hope, Mary. If you cry, I'll cry, and- and- and who'll stop me from crying?!
Mary: Oh, don't try to hug me! I'm not.
Dick: There's a big, dead spider in your hair. [Mary screams] No, I tell a lie. He's still alive.

Dick: What is this place, anyway?
Mary: I think it's the chancellor's ballroom.
Dick: No, I don't. I think it's some kind of a storage closet.

Mary: Oh, my God, this is my thesis. I spent two years of my life writing this, and they keep it in here?!
Dick: Well, then, this must be the archives!
Mary: It's in the bottom of a boxed marked "Sugar Puffs"! This was good, damn it! And they keep it in here? Oh, and look! In 15 years, it was checked out once! Once.
Dick: I'm so sorry, Mary. I don't know what to say. Champagne?

Sally: Hey, look at all this loot.
Tommy: I know. I must say, I love my new chip sombrero.
Harry: Hold on there, compadre. I called dibs on the chip sombrero a half-hour ago, along with the hamburger hopper.
Sally: Hamburger hopper? Everyone knows that goes with the bun hutch, and you ain't gettin' that.
Tommy: Wait. The bun hutch is in the countertop collection. My countertop collection!
Harry: Well, now you're talkin' crazy.

Nina: Wild weekend, huh?
Mary: We were in the library.
Nina: Mmm. Is that so?
Mary: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
Dick: We were locked in the whole time.
Nina: Look, I don't need to know. What you do on the weekend is your business.
Mary: Which was spend it locked in the library.
Nina: Uh-huh, and is that why you smell like cheap champagne?
Dick: It may have been cheap, but there was lots of it.