Dick: Come on, Mary. I made it. You can do it. Come on. Rappel. Rappel.
Mary: You are such a fool!
Dick: Need I remind you that it was this fool who suggested that we use your pantyhose as a lifeline?

Mary: Nina, cancel my classes. I'm going to spend about six hours in the tub.
Nina: So does this mean that the two of you-
Mary: I don't know what this means. All I know is that this weekend made me realize a few things, and I've got to admit, he is charming in his way.
Nina: In his way?
Mary: Well, he's full of surprises, and as much as I thought I'd hate that, I guess it's fun to be surprised.
Dick: [enters without pants] Oh, uh, by the way, Nina, I'm going to class. See if you can beat the cheese stink out of these pants.
Nina: Surprise!

Sally: God, Dick. Why don't you just grab some microwave burritos and a couple of tall boys and go for it?
Dick: Oh, Sally, you don't know the first thing about entertaining.
Harry: Yeah. First ya gotta get some friends.
Tommy: Yeah. Good luck with that, Miss Personality.
Sally: Shut up, butt rash. I'm workin' on it.

Dick: Oh, how I miss the days of furtive looks across the office, passing notes in faculty meetings. Oh, and the groping was always nice.
Sally: Let me ask you something. If things were so great, why were you making our lives miserable with your constant whining and complaining?
Dick: [whining] Was not!
Harry & Tommy: Was so!
Dick: Well, if I did, it was probably because I was filled with so much bliss, I didn't know where to shove it.

Dick: Trust me, after my romantic overtures, our toothbrushes will be hanging bristle to bristle by morning. [walks off]
Sally: I say he's home by 7:00 with that toothbrush in his eye socket.

Harry: Hey, does anybody remember Albright having little, tiny hands?
Tommy: No, not really. Why?
Harry: Well, look at the size of these sandwiches. Her whole refrigerator is full of trays of tiny food.
Sally: Wow. I bet I could fit, like, five of those in my mouth at once.
Harry: I'll take that bet.
Tommy: I'm in.
Both: [chant] Do it! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Mary: I'm beginning to think you planned this all along.
Dick: Actually, my plan was for us to be doing it right now. Under a pine tree by the reservoir.
Mary: On the ground?!
Dick: Not on the ground. I brought newspaper. Entertainment section, Mary. That's you.

Dick: [slurs] I remember when I first saw you, Mary Albright. I thought you were a fireball.
Mary: You sure have my number.
Dick: [chuckles] I know. I stole it from Nina's Rolodex. I have a confession to make. I was the one who kept calling and saying, "Hello, fireball."
Mary: [laughs] I knew it was you all along!

Sally: Hey, morning.
Tommy: Oh, hey. Oh, man what did I miss?
Harry: We watched Beastmaster's Revenge 3 more times.
Tommy: And you didn't wake me up?! Well, what's on next?
Harry: English Patient.
Sally: Oh, I'm out.
Tommy: Yeah, me, too.
Harry: Yeah.

Mary: Dick, I want to make myself perfectly clear. We are not together again. Whatever happened last night, if it did, shouldn't have!
Dick: Well, I just want to say that if it did happen it was glorious.
Mary: Why do I let these things happen to me?!
Dick: Why are you resisting, Mary?! We've always been great together.
Mary: Were we even in the same relationship?! I mean, every time I think I have a handle on you, you spring a new and disturbing surprise on me!
Dick: Ah, you noticed?