Dick: Sometimes I feel like I don't even know how to behave like a real human being. Sometimes I wonder what am I doing here? Why am I on this planet? Am- Am I a good person? Am I a person at all?
Dennis Caslow: You know, doubting you're a person makes you even more of a person.
Dick: [whimpers] But I'm afraid.
Dennis Caslow: Of what?
Dick: That she'll never love me for what I really am! [crying]

Don: Smells good in here. Sally!
Sally: Oh, my god, Don.
Don: Sally, what's wrong?
Sally: No, don't sit. Are you crazy? This is his booth.
Don: Sally, what's gotten into you?
Sally: Oh, god, Don, it's my new boyfriend.
Don: Oh, back on your feet already. Well, good. Good for you. Where's my eggplant?!
Sally: Listen to me, Don, you've got to get out of here. He comes back and finds you here, there's no telling what he might do.
Don: Sally, I'm a cop. What could he possibly do to me?
Sally: He will kill you.
[Don grabs his food and runs out of the restaurant]

Tommy: I got your envelope here. I think that this is your envelope. Hey, you want your envelope?!
Sally: Oh, hey, Tommy. Look at you. Where you going?
Tommy: Nowhere.
Sally: You going on another run for Sammy?
Tommy: What's it to you?
Sally: What's it to me? I am family.
Tommy: Well, I got a new family now.
Sally: Oh, Mary mother of god. This is all my fault. I gotta get us out of this. I gotta break up with Sammy.
Tommy: Break up with Sammy? Nobody breaks up with Sammy! Sammy breaks up with you is how it happens! Sammy breaks up with- [Sally slaps Tommy]
Sally: Don't you get fresh with your Aunt Sally! [door slams]
Tommy: Dumb broad.

Don: Tommy, what's going on around here? What's Sally got herself into? Tell me, Tommy!
Tommy: Hey, watch the suit here.
Don: Hey, where did you get the dough for such a snazzy jacket?
Tommy: Never ask me about my business.
Don: What happened to you?! You used to be such a good kid. Now look at you.
Tommy: Look, Don, we come from two different worlds, you and me, and I don't think we should be seen together no more. Capisce?

Mary: Whenever I shared a deep feeling with, uh, my family, they'd always use it against me.
Dick: Her parents are horrible people. Just awful.
Mary: We didn't- We didn't talk. We- We didn't share feelings, open up.
Dick: Well, this is your chance. Try.
Mary: All- All my life, I've- I've had this facade of the beautiful, tough, has-it-all lady. When deep inside I'm... I'm just a fat, little girl who wants to be loved at all costs. Oh! [crying]
Dick: I'm so proud of you, Mary.
Mary: Oh, thank you, Dick. I love you. Oh! [wails] Oh! Oh!
Dick: Who's the king? [all crowd around Dick as Mary drops to the floor]
All: You are!
Dick: Drinks in my room!

Don: Sally, what's going on?
Sally: Don, get back. [grabs Don's gun] Who's the tough guy now, huh, Sammy?
Don: Sally, what are you doing?
Sally: He's a mobster, Don.
Don: Sammy? He's a butcher.
Sammy Marchetti: Yeah, yeah, I was just cutting up some steaks.
Sally: Is that what you call the people you kill... steaks?
Sammy Marchetti: No, uh, it's meats, Sally. You know, cows, pigs.
Sally: Is that what you call the people you kill... cows and pigs?
Don: Sally, listen to me. He's my butcher.
Sally: Exactly, Don, he's a... a butcher. A butcher?
Tommy: A butcher?
Sally: Oh. Okay. Well, um... guess I won't be needing the gun anymore. Uh... super sorry. Oh, my God. There's someone I know... I gotta go. [walks away]

Dick: This is a football. This is a baseball. This is a tennis ball. Do you know what this is?
Nina: It's a meatball.
Dick: No, Nina, you're wrong. It's a ping-pong ball covered in meat. Now, this is a meatball.
Nina: You are the meatball! You are the meatball!
Dick: She doesn't know what a meatball is. Sad.

Sally: God, what kind of crappy restaurant makes you share your food?
Harry: Well, I ordered sausages, and I'm going to eat my sausages. All 10 of them.

Sally: Wow, that was great.
Sammy Marchetti: My name is Sammy Marchetti.
Sally: My name is Sally Marchetti. Sol- Sally Solomon.
Sammy Marchetti: Meeting you has been my extreme pleasure. I do hope our paths cross again soon. Ciao Bella.

Sally: Why do you have to go away to learn how to talk to each other?
Dick: Well, it seems that for human couples to communicate on an intimate level, they have to be in a room full of strangers.
Tommy: So, basically, it's a money-sucking sham.
Dick: I'm not paying.