Vicki Dubcek: Whatcha looking at here? Oh! The Institute at Mason Farm? You know, I hear that they have a jacuzzi there that totally cleanses your whole soul. But the weird thing is... there's no water in it.

Mrs. Dubcek: Sally, uh, you got a package.
Sally: A package?
Mrs. Dubcek: It's a dress.
Sally: A dress?
Mrs. Dubcek: Here's the card.
Sally: "For the prettiest doll in the world. I'll pick you up at 8:00. Love, Sammy Marchetti."
Mrs. Dubcek: Sammy "the butcher." Got to be careful, honey, he is hot-blooded.

Sally: I can't believe you let me talk you into paying. So, uh, Sammy, you want something to drink? Espresso? Cappuccino?
Sammy Marchetti: Coffee's fine.
Sally: Oh, good, 'cause I don't know how the hell to make an espresso or a cappuccino, so...
Sammy Marchetti: You're funny. I like that.
Sally: You're scary. I like that.

Tommy: Hey, Sally, I rented The Godfather and Goodfellas. [gasps] It's you.
Sammy Marchetti: So, what are you, like, uh, Sally's brother?
Tommy: No, no, I think- Yeah, I'm supposed to be the nephew.
Sammy Marchetti: Nephew, huh?
Tommy: Yeah.
Sammy Marchetti: So, nephew, I'd kinda like to hang around a little bit and get to know your aunt a little better. How'd you like to make yourself, uh, 20 clams?
Tommy: What do I have to do?
Sammy Marchetti: Go to Sul Panno's restaurant. You tell him Sammy sent you. They will give you an envelope. I want you to take that envelope, return it to me at this address. You in?
Tommy: Yes, I'm definitely in. [kisses Sammy's ring]
Sammy Marchetti: Don't mess it up. [walks away]
Tommy: I don't believe this. I am a wiseguy!

Dick: Sometimes I'm afraid.
Dennis Caslow: Oh, good. What are you afraid of, Dick?
Dick: Well, before I met Mary, she had something of a reputation for sleeping with, well, pretty much anyone on the other side of a glass of chardonnay.
Mary: Dick, that's not appropriate.
Dennis Caslow: Now, Mary, we're here to open up, not to shut down.
Mary: Sometimes he doesn't know when to stop.
Dennis Caslow: Well, maybe that's because you don't know when to listen.
Mary: What?
Dick: Oh, yeah, yeah, she does do that a lot. Tells me I'm wrong. Tells me to shut up.
Harry: It's true. She does that.

Dennis Caslow: Now, Mary, what do you have to say?
Mary: If you people knew what he was really like, you wouldn't be on his side.
All: Aw!
Dennis Caslow: Now you're playing the blame game, Mary. And you know what? Nobody wins.
Mary: No, no, no, no. I was just trying to point out that he-

Dennis Caslow: Mary, transcend the anger. We're here to help you work on your problems.
Mary: That's not why we're here! We're here for him. He's the one with the problems. He's the one that needs help. I'm not crazy. He is!
Dick: But Mary, I'm only trying to be real. [whimpers]
All: Oh!

Don: I called in an order about an hour ago, Don Orville.
Waiter: Oh, yeah, that's $12.95.
Don: Officer Don Orville?
Waiter: Scusi, my mistake. It's been paid for.

Sally: Tommy, stay away from the door.
Tommy: What are you doin' here, Sally? I'm getting us out... before it's too late.
Sally: Oh, my god. Look at you.
Sammy Marchetti: Sally, you were never supposed to see me like this. I knew it would disgust you.
Sally: Does doing what you do make you feel like a big man? Does it?!

Tommy: I looked up to you. You were my hero. You broke my heart, Sammy. You broke my heart.