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‘Dick is from Mars, Sally is from Venus’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick is from Mars, Sally is from Venus

104. Dick is from Mars, Sally is from Venus

Aired January 30, 1996

Dick wants to give the impression the Solomons are just a normal family so he sends Tommy to high school and Sally out into the dating world.

Quote from Dick

Dick: "When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles, and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle." This man is a genius!

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Quote from Sally

Dick: Sally, you're smiling. You're fixed.
Sally: No, Dick, I'm not fixed because I was never broken. I'm supposed to be this way. I'm a woman.
Dick: Yes, and...?
Sally: Tell me, Dick, what kind of shampoo do you use?
Dick: I don't know.
Sally: Exactly. And do you feel the urge to have an eight-pound screaming larva rip its way out of your lower abdomen?
Dick: No, I think I can do without that.
Sally: You see, here, you and I are completely different life-forms, and it's just some sick cosmic joke that we have to share a planet.
Dick: You know, I've been thinking about your assignment. Maybe it wasn't fair of me, making you the woman.
Sally: I'm all right. I can handle the mood swings, the emotional issues, the catcalls, the punitive underwear, because, frankly, when I think of the alternative... [looks Dick up and down] I just have to laugh.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Dick, I've lost all feeling in the left side of my body. [holds up wine cooler] Could somebody please call 1-1-6?

Quote from Nina

Dick: Can't you just take her out tonight and talk to her? You don't have to go alone. I'm sure Nina would be happy to join you.
Nina: Ooh, I'm sorry, tonight's the night I'm having my eyes gouged out.
Dick: Can't you reschedule it?

Quote from Mary

Mary: I once dated this chemistry professor, Dr. Abrams.
Nina: Oh, god, she's starting with the A's.
Mary: He invited me to portage lakes for a romantic weekend, and then just never showed up.
Sally: Did you kill him?
Mary: No, no. I don't believe in violence. Violence doesn't do you any good. However, a gas tank full of sugar and a flaming bag of dog poop will.
Sally: And you take that orally?

Quote from Mary

Nina: See, Sally, you are not the problem. Guys are jerks. You're just never gonna find the perfect man.
Mary: Yeah, the perfect man would have Bill Gates' money, Jimmy Smits' ass, Liam Neeson's shoulders, Michael Jordan's thighs...
Nina: And we need a brain.
Mary: [scoffs] No, we don't.
Nina: Yeah, you're right, then he'd think like a man.

Quote from Dick

Sally: Mother earth.
Dick: Father time.
Sally: Lady luck.
Dick: Gentleman's Quarterly.
Sally: Daughters of the American revolution.
Dick: Son of Kong.
Sally: Fairy godmother.
Dick: The godfather of soul.
Sally: Mississippi.
Dick: Mr. Sippi.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Oh, Dick, I've thought of a job for myself. I can catalog the dangers that surround us on this planet. For example, getting your fingers crushed in a car door. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Quote from Dick

Dick: [reading the bible] Why are you listening to the serpent? Don't eat the fruit. Don't eat the fruit. [sighs] Women.

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: Oh, I've been there and there, and I've been there.
Harry: Wow! The long, boring stories you must have.
Dick: Well, I have another destination for you, Tommy, high school.
Tommy: Why? I finished my education when you were nothing but a snot-nosed gas ball.

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