TV Quotes

Dick: Sally, you're smiling. You're fixed.
Sally: No, Dick, I'm not fixed because I was never broken. I'm supposed to be this way. I'm a woman.
Dick: Yes, and...?
Sally: Tell me, Dick, what kind of shampoo do you use?
Dick: I don't know.
Sally: Exactly. And do you feel the urge to have an eight-pound screaming larva rip its way out of your lower abdomen?
Dick: No, I think I can do without that.
Sally: You see, here, you and I are completely different life-forms, and it's just some sick cosmic joke that we have to share a planet.
Dick: You know, I've been thinking about your assignment. Maybe it wasn't fair of me, making you the woman.
Sally: I'm all right. I can handle the mood swings, the emotional issues, the catcalls, the punitive underwear, because, frankly, when I think of the alternative... [looks Dick up and down] I just have to laugh.

Dick: "When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles, and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle." This man is a genius!

Mary: Listen, you. That psychic didn't know anything. You have many, many years ahead of you, and I will be right by your side. And after that, I don't want anybody else.
Dick: Mary, you'd rather be alone?
Mary: After you, I'm done.
Dick: Of course you are. How could I expect you to ever settle for anyone else after being with someone like me? I've ruined you.
Mary: More than you'll ever know.

Mary: Sterling Lake is really special to me, Dick. I spent so many happy summers there with my family when I was young.
Dick: Wait a second. You had a youth, too?
Mary: Yes, Dick.
Dick: Well, what was it like, or can you still remember?
Mary: It was wonderful. We lived in log cabins we built ourselves. Oh! And when Mr. Lincoln came to town, we were all a-flutter. What do you think it was like, Dick?