Mary: Oh, Nina, I feel so bad, Dick being trapped in that hole. It's another example of when bad things happen to good people.
Nina: It's not a great example.

Sally: Plus, we don't need him. I have a plan.
Don: You do?
Sally: Yeah, I'm gonna flood the hole with 3,000 gallons of water, and then Dick and Harry'll just float to the top.
Don: What if they don't float?
Sally: Well... then they're witches.

Don: All right, let's take another question.
Woman: Over here. How much is this rescue costing?
Don: Uh, that information could compromise the rescue effort. Next.
Man: Yeah, is it true that most cavern formations in this area are sedimentary rock?
Don: That information will be released on a need-to-know basis. Uh, follow-up?
Man: Yeah, you don't know anything, do you?
Don: At this time, I cannot confirm or deny what exactly it is that I don't know. No more questions. Thank you.

Dick: How do you keep from cracking under such inhumane conditions? Teach me, Harry. Teach me to be more like you.
Harry: Well, it's powerful stuff. Once you accept it, there's no going back. You ready to proceed?
Dick: All right.
Harry: All right. Now let me bring you inside my mind. Now picture yourself on a serene mountaintop, clear blue sky, sun shining, a cool breeze blowing through the wildflowers.
Dick: I see it.
Harry: Now... take away the flowers... breeze... sky... mountaintop. Now what do you see?
Dick: Nothing.
Harry: Exactly. And that's what's in my head... all the time.
Dick: Oh, my god, Harry. It's beautiful.
Harry: Sometimes on a warm night, I put the breeze back in. No, no, no. That's for later.

Sally: Who are you?
Angus McDuff: The name's Angus McDuff, but if you want my attention, you'll call me The Hole.
Don: Isn't that a great nickname, Sally? He fights holes, and they call him "The Hole."
Sally: Doesn't that get a little confusing?
Angus McDuff: No problems yet.
Sally: No, but I mean, you wouldn't call a fireman "fire," or a lifeguard "water," right?
Angus McDuff: I'm not a nickname expert, I'm a hole expert.
Sally: Fine, let's just deal with the hole.
Angus McDuff: You are dealing with The Hole.
Sally: No, I mean the hole my brothers are in.
Don: He's not a financial advisor, he's a hole guy.
Sally: You see, I knew this would happen.

Harry: Know how I like to eat these? I like to suck 'em till the M comes off. Then I crack 'em open, eat the chocolate part first, save the shell for a light dessert.
Dick: I see what you're doing. You're trying to control me.
Harry: You know, it's not just the green ones. They all make me horny.

Sally: What's the battle plan?
Angus McDuff: Well, first of all, I'll build a clay model of the hole, and we'll proceed from there. The entire procedure should take about four hours.
Sally: Oh, great. They'll be out in four hours.
Angus McDuff: No, no, no, no, no. We'll have a clay model in four hours.
Sally: Are you kidding me?
Angus McDuff: Listen, lassie. I've faced holes all over the world. From your basic straight-up-and-downer, to your wily corkscrew. There was a hole in Manchester. Ten men went down, twelve came out. I'm still puzzling over that one. The point is, you don't beat the hole until you learn to think like the hole.
Sally: So, is that you thinking or the hole thinking?
Angus McDuff: This was never confusing before. It's you.

Woman: Twenty bucks for a picture? It's kind of out of my price range.
Tommy: Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We do have some lower-priced options. For $6.50, you can have your picture taken with the Solomons' actual landlady.
Mrs. Dubcek: How do you do?
Woman: Okay.
Tommy: Great. Okay. Smile.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, it's wonderful to be back on the legitimate stage.

Dick: You know something, I think everybody could learn a lot about themselves if they just fell into a hole once in awhile.
Tommy: What did you learn, Dick?
Dick: I learned that the best leader is only as good as the people he surrounds himself with.
Harry: Oh.
Tommy: That's beautiful.
Dick: I also learned that inner peace is a beautiful thing, but even more so is running water, onion rings, and having someplace to pee.

Don: Sally, what's going on? I heard you locked horns with The Hole, and now he won't come out of his trailer.
Sally: So? Build a model of his trailer and figure out a way to get him out.
Don: Sally. Sally, you've got to apologize to him.
Sally: Apologize? I'm not apologizing to him. Don, remember how hard it was for me to apologize to you when I took your squad car out for a joyride and crashed it into that barn?
Don: You never did apologize for that.
Sally: Well, that's 'cause it wasn't my fault.
Don: Oh, right.