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Shall We Dick?

‘Shall We Dick?’

Season 5, Episode 17 -  Aired April 18, 2000

Dick and Mary enter a dance contest at the university. Meanwhile, Sally and Alissa bond, much to Don and Tommy's chagrin.

Quote from Mary

Dick: Excuse me. I have a special delivery package addressed to a... birthday girl.
Mary: Ooh, a video. Could this be a sexy video?
Dick: Could be.
Mary: Thirty Days to Thinner Thighs.
Dick: You know how you're always complaining about your chunky thighs?
Mary: Here's a... gift-giving tip, Dick. Jewelry says, "Our love goes on forever." Exercise videos say, "Your ass goes on forever!"


Quote from Tommy

Sally: I got to tell you I finally understand what you see in Alissa. She's fun, she's got great taste and a super-cute body.
Tommy: You- You saw her body?
Sally: Oh, yeah. We were naked in the dressing room.
Tommy: Naked?! I- I spent a year of my life trying unsuccessfully to see her naked, and then it just falls into your lap?
Sally: Relax!
Tommy: I will not!

Quote from Judith

Judith: Oh, Mary, guess who's partnering up for the big Badger Day dance contest.
Strudwick: Me and Judith.
Mary: Oh, that'll be great.
Strudwick: We'll be practicing in my office, and we didn't want people to get the wrong idea.
Judith: I'm a very sexual person when I dance.

Quote from Sally

Don: I'm tellin' you, Sally, the new Bond picture's at the $2.00 theater.
Sally: I don't know. I just can't get used to bond being played by anybody but Timothy Dalton.

Quote from Sally

Tommy: Sally, go easy. It was just an accident.
Sally: You know what they say about accidents, Tommy. Behind every accident is an intentional act.
Tommy: They say that?
Sally: Oh, oh, they say that, and they're deadly serious.

Quote from Dick

Strudwick: And may the best man win, Solomon... Me.
Dick: Oh, by the way, Strudwick, a gorilla called. He wants his butt, which you're using for a face, back!

Quote from Dick

Dick: Harry, don't bring that in here.
Harry: What? I just carried it up four flights of stairs!
Dick: Get it out of here. Harry, watch-
Strudwick: [enters] Who's the thigh buster for?
Dick: Uh... Uh... Uh you, thunder thighs! Ha ha! Ha! Uh, burn. It's a lot of work for a joke, but well worth it. Take it away, Harry.

Quote from Dick

Dick: That sounds like fun. Do you want to enter the contest, Mary?
Strudwick: [chortles]
Judith: [laughs]
Dick: Why? What's so funny?
Strudwick: Mary dancing.
Dick: But Mary's a fantastic dancer.
Mary: Really, Dick, I--I have two left feet.
[Dick and Harry both look down at Mary's feet]

Quote from Dick

Dick: I will have you know that my Mary has the grace of a swan, the dexterity of a hawk, and the powerful kick of an ostrich! Mary, would you do me the honor of slaughtering them with me in the Badger Day dance contest?
Mary: Yes, I would.
Strudwick: Here's a tip for you, Dick. Shin guards.
Dick: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, uh, here's a tip for you, Strudwick... bite me!

Quote from Sally

Tommy: This is so wrong. How is it that women on this planet can freely look at other women naked? I mean, the men can't look at other men naked.
Sally: Yes, they can.
Tommy: Trust me, it's discouraged.
Sally: So I saw your girlfriend naked. What's the big deal?
Tommy: That's just it! It's not a big deal to you! To me, it's a very big deal! Perhaps the biggest of all deals! But it happens to you, someone to whom it's a very tiny deal. Irony sucks!
Sally: Well, Tommy, have you asked Alissa if you could see her naked? I mean, every time I've had the urge to see a guy naked, all I've had to do is ask, and bam! Johnson!

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