Sally: Dick, listen to me. Women are trouble. I should know. I've been one for two weeks.
Dick: I know. Which brings up another point. I command you to shave under your arms.
Sally: Doable. [weeps] I'm sorry you find me so offensive.
Dick: Damn it, pull yourself together, man! We're going out.
Sally: Okay. Okay. Give me an hour.
Dick: An hour?
Sally: Yeah. [points to breasts] I gotta rotate these. It's a party.

Sally: Harry, listen, I want you to keep an eye on this Albright experiment.
Harry: Yeah, sure. What are these?
Sally: Crustaceans. [Harry eats] I mean, Dick is endangering this entire mission.
Harry: Mm-hmm, right. And these?
Sally: Uh, unborn fowl. [Harry eats] I'm beginning to question his ability to command.
Harry: Yeah, too bad. And these are?
Sally: Cocktail weenies.
Harry: Cocktail weenies. Okay, I've seen these before. They should be bigger.

Sally: Hey, what do you think? [squeezes breasts together] They seem to have greater power when they collide. I'm not wrong, am I?
Dick: Sally, will you excuse us for a moment?
Sally: [sighs] Come on, girls. Let's go.

Dick: Sally, I want you to observe her. Find out what women on this planet do.
Sally: Why can't Harry do it?
Dick: Because you're the woman.
Sally: That brings up a very good question, why am I the woman?
Dick: Because you lost.

Nina: I have to file some things for you.
Dick: [sniffs] What is that? It's you! You smell so nice.
Nina: Thanks. I try. [Dick plants his face in Nina's back] That had better be your nose. Is your wife out of town?
Dick: Mrs. Solomon is no longer with us. She, uh, burned up on reentry.
Nina: I had a boyfriend who used to burn up on reentry. He walks with a limp now.

Mary: That's my parking space. I had to park a mile away.
Dick: Oh, so you have a car.
Mary: Uh, Nina, go to the chem lab. Tell them I sent you. Get a pipe bomb, put it in Dr. Solomon's car and blow it up.

Dick: I'm not sure how to get there.
Nina: I can pick you up.
Dick: That won't hurt your back?
Nina: I'll be in a car.
Dick: Oh, good. Come by and blow the horn. I love to hear people honk.
Nina: What, are you from Mars?
Dick: Mars? [scoffs] Oh, no. [laughs]

Mrs. Dubcek: Come in. Come on in. It's the attic, so it's kind of small, but it's furnished.
Dick: We love it.
Harry: Yeah, it's so much bigger than a car.
Tommy: Yeah. We'll take it.
Mrs. Dubcek: You know, this used to be the rumpus room back in the '60s. This carpet has seen more butts than Santa Claus' lap.

Mary: Nina, would you tell Dr. Solomon he parked in my space again?
Nina: You parked in her space-
Dick: I know. It was empty.
Mary: Would you tell him I'm going to have him towed?
Dick: Tell her I already have all the toes I need. I am fully formed.

Mary: Dr. Solomon, we should get along. I'm very intelligent. You have an impressive resume.
Dick: Well, I am the High Commander.
Mary: I must admit, when I first met you, I was attracted to your flamboyant nature and big head.
Dick: Thanks, because I almost went with a smaller one.
Mary: Even though I am drawn to genius, this is a small office and you are behaving like a big hose monkey.
Dick: You're not so bad yourself, woman.
Mary: Knock it off.