Harry: Okay, so meatloaf is bread crumbs, spices and ground beef?
Mrs. Dubcek: That's it.
Harry: And ground beef is essentially nothing more than a cow?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah.
Harry: Well, doesn't it scream when they stuff it in the grinder?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, no. That sucker's been dead for hours.
Sally: I have dead cow on my hands? [screams; wipes her hands on Harry; runs out]
Harry: Women. You can't live with them, and yet, they're everywhere.

Harry: [grabs flashlight] Whoa, that's mine. Be careful. It's, uh very valuable.
Dick: You know, I have an urge to hold that.
Harry: That's exactly what it's for.
Dick: May I?
Harry: Please.
Dick: I find this very satisfying.
Harry: I know.
Dick: I like this.
Harry: I know.
Dick: I wonder what Dr. Albright is doing right now.
Harry: Give that back. Come on, let's break it up here.

Sally: Nina, right?
Nina: Oh, hi, Sally. Nice dress.
Sally: Thanks. It's just something I threw on.
Nina: Yeah. Well, you almost missed.

Dick: Dr. Albright, I've been thinking about us all day.
Mary: I haven't.
Dick: I want to try again. I want very much to feel, and I want, even more, to be felt, and I mean that from the heart of my bottom.
Mary: Well, yours up.

Dick: Oh, what a terrific evening. I just had a great time. Didn't you?
Sally: Whatever.
Dick: I just think this is the most incredible place we've ever been. The people are so complex. I love them. I just think they're wonderful.
Tommy: You probed her, didn't you?
Dick: I might have scanned her a little. I mean, I think we've underestimated the life on this planet. The people have so much courage. Here they are, hurling through space on a molten rock at 67,000 miles an hour, and the only thing that keeps them from flying out of their shoes is their misplaced faith in gravity. I'm so glad we're staying. I want to find out what else they know, what makes them happy, how they raise their young, what happens when they die, why they call themselves the human race. Do they think someone's going to win?
Harry: Ooh, look. A shooting star.
Dick: [gasps] I think this is going to be our greatest mission.
Sally: Yeah, he probed her, all right.

Dick: [horn honks] Quick, look. That woman is going to drive with her feet.
Woman: Don't you people have a home?
Dick: Uh, no, we don't, but thank you for the idea. See? She called us people. [engine starts. "Louie Louie" plays on radio] Listen. It's that signal they keep sending into space.

Harry: Ooh! [feels Mrs. Dubcek's sweater] What is this stuff?
Mrs. Dubcek: This sweater? It's angora.
Harry: Well, it's wonderful. I've never seen anything like it. [Dick and Sally also start feeling the sweater] Ooh!
Mrs. Dubcek: I like the color.
Harry: Well, it's very nice.
Mrs. Dubcek: You're not from around here, are you?
Dick: Well, Mrs. Dubcek, I can stand here and chew your fat day all day, but time has no manners. Bye, now.

Dick: So "p" itself is always even. And we can write "p" equals 2s, where "s" is some other integer. Substituting "p," we find "p" to the second power equals 2s to the second power, equals 4s to the second power, equals 2q to the second power. And we find? Who can tell me? Anyone? [silence] Okay, I'm getting ahead of everyone. Let's simplify. How far away is Cleveland?
Pitman: 52 miles.
Dick: Someone give me another answer.
Bug: An hour away.
Dick: Cleveland is an hour away. Someone give me another answer.
Bug: A $9 bus ticket.
Dick: Cleveland is $9 away.
Bug: Oh, a felony charge. The federal courthouse is there.
Dick: Yes! Cleveland is a felonious assault away.

Caryn: Dr. Solomon, I think that Leon meant that Cleveland can feel like an eternity away.
Dick: Oh, it's a feeling. Yes, I know all about feelings. Everything's just going fine, and somebody has a feeling, and kaboom! Suddenly they don't like you. I think we can all do without feelings. Who's with me? Your grade depends on it. [all hands go up]
Pitman: Dr. Solomon, I hope this doesn't affect my grade, but I have a thought.
Dick: Yes?
Pitman: You have to have feelings. Feelings are like the core of the human experience.
Dick: The core of the human experience? Of course. I never thought of that. [bell rings] Oh, tomorrow, I want you all to write a paper for me about feelings. Tell me how it feels to use only 10% of your brain.

Tommy: You're on the volleyball team, aren't you?
Girl: Yeah, I am.
Tommy: I watched you jump up and down this afternoon. You're really good.
Girl: Thanks. We won.
Tommy: Oh it's a game. Um, anyway, my name's-
Dick: Can I talk to you?
Tommy: Come on, man.
Dick: May I remind you that we are not to alter the lives of the inhabitants of this planet in any way?
Tommy: Yeah, but some of them are just asking for it.