Bill: This is Dean, our youngest dependent. Our other two are at work, earning just under the threshold that allows them to file as single individuals.
Cedric: Oh, you... [laughs] Did you put him up to this?
Bill: I'm just speaking y'all's language.
Cedric: [laughing] I see.
Adult Dean: I'd never seen Daddy so excited about Mama's work before. I guess her being at a Black firm would mean a lot to him.
Cedric: Can't say that I've heard of "racial oppression" being an itemized deduction.
Bill: Ah, I'm just spitballing. Just spitballing. [laughs]
Lillian: [Bill, I think they just put the food out.
Bill: Come on, Dean. Let's go audit the selections. [Cedric is silent] Ah, you must've heard that one before.

Brad: You just got to do what Captain Kirk did to Edith Keeler... let her go.
Dean: He didn't let her go. She got hit by a truck.
Brad: He had to. [scoffs] She was going to change history and the Germans were gonna win the war.
Broderick: What are you guys talking about?
Adult Dean: Oh, man. Did he hear us talking about Star Trek? Was he gonna make fun of us?
Broderick: I thought I heard you guys talking about Star Trek.
Cory: You like Star Trek?
Broderick: It's my favorite show.
Norman: For real? Us too.
Adult Dean: Wait a minute. A cool kid thought something we liked was cool? [laughs] Nah, there's no way.

Dean: If it's really your favorite show, then prove it. What happens if you place a phaser to "stun" but you stand too close?
Adult Dean: That's right. I'm not as easy to impress as my weak-minded friends.
Broderick: It can still vaporize someone.
Adult Dean: He's right! Illogical!
Broderick: I see you know your stuff. [chuckles] I can dig it.
Cory: You know, Dean's working on a model kit for the U.S.S. Enterprise. It has 350 parts.
Broderick: Man, you're lucky. I've only seen those in the Sears catalog. Can I check it out?
Dean: To do that, you'd have to come to my house.
Adult Dean: [scoffs] Why in the world would I wanna fraternize with the enemy?

Broderick: Hey, make sure that phaser bank's on tight. Gonna need it to battle the Klingons.
Dean: You know, I'm kind of surprised someone like you is into Star Trek.
Broderick: What do you mean, someone like me?
Dean: Uh, well, you know, uh, someone who's part of the cool crowd.
Broderick: What's cooler than flying around outer space fighting monsters with a bad-ass dude like Captain Kirk?
Dean: Hey, why is Captain Kirk's face so weird? Because he has three ears... A left ear, a right ear, and a... final frontier. [both laugh]

Broderick: Hey. Do you want to see 2001: A Space Odyssey on Saturday? I bet it's not as good as Star Trek, but at least it's in space.
Dean: That's the day I usually organize my army men into battalions, but going one more day won't kill me, so, yeah.
Adult Dean: Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought Broderick would want to hang out again. And also, going one more day with my army men in disarray would kill me.

Bill: Look at all these Black faces. Won't see this at a State Treasury Department picnic.
Lillian: What I know I wouldn't see at a State Treasury Department picnic is you, Bill Williams.
Bill: They put raisins in potato salad, Lillian. Raisins.

Lillian: I mean, I'm the one who decided to wear the dress in the first place, so might not be so bad to wear it again.
Bill: I still don't like some man telling my wife what to wear.
Kim: I know that's right.
Lillian: How is this any different from you showing me off in front of your old Army buddies?
Kim: Mm, I know that's right.
Bill: Will you pick a side? Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
Kim: It is sexist for you or them to tell her to dress a certain way.
Dean: What about when Mom tells you not to wear those skimpy outfits to parties?
Kim: I'm not dressing for boys. I'm dressing for myself. Those are the clothes that make me feel good.
Bill: Yeah, I'll believe that argument when you go to a party with no boys.

Kim: Bruce, would it be okay if I hosted - not a party - but a "literary salon" Saturday night? I met some new kids who get together to read poetry and discuss current events. I'm worried they think I'm all show and no go.
Bruce: Fine.
Kim: Yes!
Bruce: As long as there's just a few, and you don't tell Mom and Dad if I duck out to Tammy's for a minute.
Dean: You know, I think I'll have a salon, too.
Kim: Oh, hell no.
Dean: Fine. If I can't invite my friends, then I'll just have to hang out with Kim and hers.
Kim: [sucks teeth] He can have his little dork buddies over, too.
Bruce: So we got a deal?
Adult Dean: Nothing sealed the deal between the three of us like the threat of mutually assured destruction. That's why, to this day, no one knows what's buried underneath that tree in the backyard.

Dean: Who all wants to hear a joke?
Broderick: You guys remember me telling you how funny he is?
8th Grader: No.
Dean: [laughs] Um, uh, why is a guitar and a fish so different?
Cory & Hampton: Why?
Dean: Because you can't "tuna" fish. [light laughter]

Lillian: We are so disappointed in you. You let strangers into our house. Underage strangers with beer! This is so unlike you.
Bill: You and your sister ruined a perfectly good evening. Your mother's work dinner went great, then we have to come home to this?
Dean: I swear it wasn't my fault. I-I didn't even want those kids in there.
Bill: So they just magically appeared?
Lillian: Or did you forget how to talk?
Adult Dean: Both those excuses were way higher on my list than I'm comfortable admitting. So I decided to come clean.
Dean: I j... I just wanted them to think I was cool.
Bill: Were they blind?